Staying Alive
by Magnus The Wolf
Summary: Sequel to Never Gone. Not Complete. The truth about a friend, an old enemy, and the knowledge that sometimes staying alive inside can be harder than outside is something Shalimar's about to discover.
1. A Date With A Doctor

**Please read these Author's notes as they are intended to help make the story and timeline more understandable.**

_Relation to other stories and Timeline: This is a sequel to "Never Gone" and this is part of my "Angst" storyline series. There's more after this one too but that one isn't actually written in it's entirety yet and if I decide to I'll post it. Also, these are all still set after season 3. So here's a breakdown of where this story is taking place in chronological order: "Cats Eyes"; "Mutant X Season 1"; "Mutant X Season 2"; "Mutant X Season 3"; Angst Storyline stories- "Into The Melancholy Night", "Never Gone", and this "Staying Alive." So, that's where this story fits in. And also of course "Staying Alive" does tend to "jump around" and includes several scenes which occur at other various times throughout the entire timeline, my stories and Mutant X's, meaning it will be much easier to follow and know what's going on and when it was going on having read the previous stories and obviously being familiar with Mutant X would help. And also of course, you know Mutant X Seasons 1-3 do not belong to me so I'm not claiming them as my own. I am not and have not changed anything from the original Mutant X verse. It all stands as is. Everything that happened happened so nothing's been altered so basically this is taking place in the Mutant X verse._

_Warnings: Like a skunk has stink this story's got slash, people. However, for a good amount of the story it's pretty mild. Also, violence, sexuality, and some language and themes are an issue at times too._

_Disclaimer: Ok so I don't own the characters but they shall be my puppets for this lil story. No duplication is allowed._

_Important Author's Note: Whenever there is a scene in the PAST it will be written in italics. The difference is this is not a flashback or a dream, which are NOT written in italics, but this is a scene itself taking place in the past, not a memory someone's thinking of or something from someone's mind as those also are NOT in italics._

**Staying Alive**

1

A Date With A Doctor

Shalimar walked down the alley, the frostbitten air numbing her throat as she blew out the puffs of her breath watching them dance freely in the air before fading away. Everything fades away, she remembered. Well, almost everything.

She pulled her trench coat closer to her as the slight drop in temperature was picked up by feral skin. Looking around she checked the numbers on the outside of the building beside her, realization coming to her face and quickly she took off towards the back and down another alley.

A large door behind a trash bin caught her eye and she knew her destination had been spotted. She'd searched hard for this and her heart nearly doubled in speed at the anticipation as she approached.

Opening the door she showed herself into the back hallway feral senses confirming no one was nearby. Her feet led the way and she walked herself down the dully colored hall scanning the empty walls through the glass as she passed each one until a flickering light caught her attention at the end of the hall and she knew there was no turning back now.

As she approached the room the presence of two humans became known to her and she stopped herself standing still in the doorway. Feral eyes fell upon the near fifty year old, pudgy man dressed somewhat like a doctor standing over a chair much like the one at Sanctuary's own advanced genetics lab. The man he was with was a stranger to her and looked to be about in his early thirties with dark hair and eyes.

"Can I help you?" the older man asked when Shalimar had gained both of their attentions.

"Yeah," she replied showing herself into the lab. "You Dr. Williams?"

"Yes, and you are?"

"Shalimar Fox. We had an appointment."

"Oh, yes," he answered as he memory was jogged. Setting his medical equipment down he took a step towards her clapping his hands together as he did so. "Ms. Fox, of course. You're here about the-"

"Yeah, can you do it?"

"Well from what we've discussed I'm sure there should be no problem at all-"

"No problems. Just get it done."

"I see."

The man turned to the other still in the chair behind him.

"We're done for tonight, Keith. Come back in a couple days. I'll take a look at you then."

Nodding the man in the chair stood up and removed his coat from the counter by the door before leaving the two alone to their personal business.

"Now. Do you have everything?" Dr. Williams asked

Shalimar removed an envelope from her trench coat and handed it to him.

"Half up front. You get the rest when you deliver."

Taking the envelope the man peeked inside before setting it down on the counter and turning to lean against it.

"I want you to know I offer no guarantees. I'll do my best but sometimes things aren't always perfect."

"Will it at least work?"

The doctor paused before answering.

"Yes."

"That's all I care about."

"Yes well did you bring everything I asked for?"

Shalimar dug back into her trench coat again this time producing another small envelope and three computer discs and handed each of them to him.

Taking them Williams peered inside the smaller, almost empty looking little envelope and smiled setting it and the discs down on the table.

"Everything's here?" he asked to confirm.

"Yes."

"Then I'll get to work."

"How long?" she asked pulling her coat back into place.

"I'll work tonight and tomorrow. It should be ready in a couple days. You know how to contact me."

"Yeah," she replied making a small movement to leave which was never completed.

Shalimar walked herself over to stand right before him flashing her eyes and grabbing him tightly around the collar.

"Just in case you try to screw me," she warned keeping her hold for a moment and tightening before releasing the man allowing his feet to make contact with the floor again.

Shalimar walked to the door never looking back as she left.

"I'll call you in a couple days," she reminded showing herself out and down the hall to rejoin the crisp night air on the street as she made her way home.


	2. Moving Pictures

_Author's Note: I know this is a short chapter and all but that's because it's a "transition chapter" and I just didn't want it to be connected to the next, but I think it does it's job so if ya likes let me knows.

* * *

_

Shalimar sashayed herself back into Sanctuary, small droplets of rain dripping down her coat to pool on the floor as she just barley escaped the sudden downpour. Wanting nothing more than curl herself into bed she began to make her way down the hall hoping no one would be awaken to interrupt her.

"Hey, Shal," Jesse's voice called to her from behind. She'd been so focused on going to her room to sleep she hadn't even noticed the molecular sitting at his computer no doubt working late tonight.

"Hey, Jess," she replied turning to look at the man and offer a quick smile.

"Where ya been?"

"Oh just ya know, out for a walk."

"In the rain?"

"I just waned to get some fresh air. Look I'm beat I'm gonna head to bed. See ya tomorrow," she informed forcing yet another smile before heading into her bedroom.

Unsure if he really thought nothing was up, Jesse turned back to his work, reminding himself the close watch he'd been keeping on his friend was for a good reason.

Shalimar dragged her feet back to her bedroom, the thoughts of her recent actions weighing her down with each step.

She opened her door, the coldness of the handle barely registering to her before shutting it behind her and falling down to the bed. It didn't even feel soft to her though she knew it was. It used to be, was when she was lying still and Emma was tending to one of her wounds. She'd have sworn then it was the softness thing she'd ever felt, that is, aside from the psionic herself.

She sighed, nothing was real to her anymore, nothing she saw or touched. It was all just moving pictures. She was standing still as it all passed in front of her, but she couldn't seem to reach out and grab it, seize it as her own. Nothing had form or meaning anymore. Emma was the one who'd shaped her world, even her destiny. Without her there to cushion her reality everything was slipping away faster than she could realize it was even gone. Nothing was within her reach anymore and she couldn't place one thing from another. God, how she hated the feeling.

But it would all be over soon, she reminded herself. It wouldn't be much longer now until she could sleep soundly again, feel her emotions, smell and taste the life that had been circling around her as her own once more. Finally, it would all soon be within reach. As much as it could be anyway.

An eerie smile came to her face, hardly human, hardly happy, rather satisfaction gracing her features. The look of a wild cat who'd just killed its prey and was looking to feed.


	3. Images And Memories

"Shalimar," Emma called from her position on the couch. "Come on, you're gonna miss the movie!" the psionic reminded diving her hand into the popcorn bowl for another helping of the sweet dessert.

"I'm comin'," the feral informed charging into the room like a tiger on a sugar high and hopping onto the couch, the cushions shaking in reflex at her efforts.

Laughing, she turned to Emma and lifted her knees trying to fit them onto the couch beside the woman who already was lying on her side on the small piece of furniture.

"Hey, Ms. Cold Feet, careful. You almost kicked me off the couch," Emma warned shooting the feral and upset yet still happy looking glare.

"Well sorry, Ms. Couch Hog, I gotta put 'em somewhere," Shalimar replied laughing as she tried to position herself properly.

As the opening titles to the movie began Emma lifted another handful of popcorn to her mouth only to have it knocked out and fall to the floor as Shalimar nudged her in the back wiggling under the blanket that draped over them both. Knowing she'd probably keep this up the whole movie, Emma sighed and sat herself up deciding to put an end to the feral's rowdiness.

"Alright," Emma said lying herself back against the arm of the couch. Cuddling the popcorn bowl against her like a football she extended her free arm and waved the feral closer. "Come on," she ordered scooting herself back and making herself comfortable.

"What?" Shalimar asked looking over the psionic.

"If we ever wanna watch this movie you're gonna hafta sit still. Come lie down," she informed opening the blanket allowing Shalimar to scoot herself between the red head's legs and rest her own head against the psionic's breasts.

Emma smiled at the comforting closeness of the feral and lowered the blanket back across them.

Smiling, Shalimar cuddled herself closer to the psionic knowing she really had no use for the blanket above her for Emma was more than enough to keep her warm.

Shalimar smiled as she slept, consciousness trying to find it's way back into her mind but she fought it, enjoying her walk down memory lane the comforting dream provided her with. But it was no use, and soon enough she found herself wide awake, disappointed eyes staring up at the empty ceiling.

She sighed thinking over the happy memory, her thoughts as vivid as those in her dream. She couldn't even think of a happy memory anymore without a sad one instantly following. As if her heart had to remind her of the pain it suffered with every day, she couldn't enjoy one moment of happy memories without paying the price.

Then suddenly it occurred to her. She remembered there was something about the memory that seemed out of place. Something that wasn't there before. Something that was new but she couldn't quite place it.

Closing her eyes in deep concentration, Shalimar replayed the memory and the dream both over in her head searching for the intrusion. She could remember seeing it as she slept; it wasn't part of the original memory. She tried harder to place the image until finally sighing and taking a break as she felt herself getting more frustrated by the minute.

Then it came to her. The image at the end of her dream. She'd woken up too fast to recall it in her immediate consciousness, but as she thought back she realized it was there. She could see the psionic smiling at her, standing before her, speaking to her, and she listened as she replayed the dream in her mind, trying to pick apart the sweet words she was whispering.

"Emma," she called out loud the reason unknown to her but she did it anyway.

"Emma, what is it?"

She couldn't hear what the psionic was telling her but it sounded like she was calling to her. Calling out to her and all Shalimar wanted to do was answer, run over and cuddle her in her arms, keeping her there forever.

Before she could even imagine it Emma was gone, faded away like the memory that preceded her, and Shalimar was alone again, trapped in the room by herself with only her sad thoughts to keep her company.


	4. Sneaky Feral's

As the middle of the afternoon approached Jesse sat playing a game at his computer eager to have a little relaxation after the workout he'd shared with Brennan earlier. The elemental had gone off to see a movie with Lexa after his attempts at coaxing the feral into joined them had failed, and Adam, well he was most likely in the lab working on his latest project or secret.

Looking up, the sounds of talking caught his attention and he realized Shalimar must've gotten through with her bath and decided to rejoin the living so to speak.

Walking into the sitting room he found the feral standing over a computer and he could tell she was talking to someone but her body was obstructing his view of the screen.

"I want it today," the feral demanded to her unknown conversation buddy.

"I told it's almost ready I just have a few bugs to fix-" an unfamiliar male voice responded and Jesse noticed Shalimar's hand clench into a fist at the words.

"Well get them fixed today. I can't wait any longer. I'll be there tonight," she informed before cutting the reception and closing the top of the computer.

Turning to see Jesse standing in the doorway she hadn't really thought anything of his scent as she picked it up, assuming it was probably leftover from his using the computer and she sighed knowing there wasn't a good chance he was going to let her off the hook with this one.

"So," he began, stepping into the room trying to hide how worried he was for his friend. "What was that all about?"

"It's nothing. Just some business I have to take care."

"Yeah," he replied shaking his head though she could tell he wasn't entirely buying her cover up. "I heard that already. Why don't you tell me what's really going on here?"

"Jesse, this is important to me. It's better that you're not involved."

"Why? Why have you been keeping secrets all of a sudden, Shal?" he asked. All he really wanted was to know why his best friend had been shutting him out lately and the suspicious way she'd been acting didn't help any either. He could tell something was bothering her and couldn't understand her reluctance to accept his help.

"I'm not keeping secrets it's just…personal."

"You've been acting this way ever since…" he stopped himself unsure of whether or not it was too soon to mention the events of the past couple months but decided he had to get to the bottom of her behavior. "Ever since the Emma simulation went kaput. What's going on with you?"

"I said I didn't wanna talk about it, Jesse," she reminded, flashing him a stern look before heading off down the hall.

"No way," he called taking off after her. "You're not getting out of this that easy, Shal, talk to me here. What's going on?" he asked keeping up with her down the hall. "Does this have anything to do with the anniversary?"

Shalimar stopped dead in her tracks. The last thing her heart needed at its fragile moment in time was the reminder that the anniversary of Emma's death was next week.

"I'm sorry," Jesse informed catching the hurt looking behind her brown eyes. "Just tell me what's going on with you. I just wanna help."

"You can't help me anymore," she explained before taking off down the hall headed for the Helix leaving a confused and upset molecular behind.

As the feral flew through the dusk sky a moment's doubt came to her mind. Was she really doing the right thing? She asked herself. Was this really the best solution for right now? What would the others say if they knew? Especially Adam, she knew if he found out she could cross off any plans she might have for the next month as hours and hours of lectures were sure to force themselves upon her unwilling ears. But she didn't care about them right now. She couldn't let herself. Couldn't let herself think of anything but what her needs were right now. She knew what she had to do. She never thought it would come to this but her heart told her to move forward with her plans. It couldn't bare the break of going back on them now.

As she approached the doctor's building she landed the Helix atop the roof, applying an invisible cloak before jumping to the rooftop. No way could she turn back now. She just had to know.

Opening the doors to the staircase she showed herself down to the first floor, opening the heavy doors at the bottom, the sound echoing through the empty hallway and she pressed on. Soon she saw the door before her. The door to which would open up a new door in her own life. A step she never dreamed she'd make but now couldn't find the strength to turn back as it was all so close.

She stepped through the white door, looking for the doctor anywhere in sight and then he stepped forth, a loud sigh coming to her ears.

"Where is it?" she asked scanning for her purchase.

The doctor nodded his head towards the door to the next room and Shalimar walked over beside him in preparation to open it, but only staring at the knob for a second.

"Did it work?" she asked turning her eyes to meet with his.

"I'd say it did. But like I told you, there are drawbacks."

Shalimar looked back to the door, resting her hand on its knob, and turning it slowly. Part of her was anxious, the other part scared, the other part over joyed, another worried, and another not fooled by what she had done. She pushed all those thoughts aside not caring about any consequences only for her heart's desire.

Stepping into the room she breathed in the air and after a second she picked it up. It was there, just like she'd hoped for and remembered. The scent entered her nose and she smiled, taking it in deeply. God, how she'd missed that aroma. Taking a few more steps forward she saw the chair sitting under some lights, a body lying in it and she rushed over to have a closer look, standing before the figure as the doctor entered the room from behind.

Shalimar reached out to touch the body unsure if she could trust her nose or her eyes and gently she shook the woman until blue eyes opened to look back into her own.

"Emma," she said with a smile, the first time she'd smiled in ages and the red head furled her brow as she looked back up at the feral.

"Shalimar?" she asked, her voice unmistakable and Shalimar leaned down to pull Emma into a close hug, sighing in pleasure as she gave herself what she'd been wanting for so long.


	5. Imposter

"Shalimar, what…" Emma paused looking around her unfamiliar surroundings. "Where are we?" she asked turning her face back to Shalimar's.

"We're in a lab. I'm gonna take you home now ok," the feral informed easing the woman's worry.

"Um, may I speak with you in the other room?" the doctor asked looking at the smiling feral.

"I'll be right back," Shalimar informed smiling at the red head and following the doctor into the a joining room.

"As far as I can tell the procedure was a complete success. You have a genuine living, breathing Emma DeLauro clone. The DNA samples you provided were fabulous. She'll walk, talk, smell, and sound just like the real woman did. Now, I've made her as genetically close to the real thing as I can but there are no guarantees she'll think, feel, and act exactly like your host did and of course, she has no soul, but as far as she's concerned she is Emma deLauro."

Shalimar remained silent at the knowledge she already knew. Emma's soul wasn't with her, but Emma was…in a way.

"Wait," Shalimar intervened. "She doesn't know what she is?"

"No. She thinks she's human, and she is. She thinks she's this Emma person and of course she is but she thinks she's the genuine real deal. I've programmed all the memories you brought me into her and they all took as far as I can tell. Of course, everything else is fill in the blanks for her. The memories you couldn't provide yourself will not be inside her memory, but I did program the appropriate information from your knowledge of her, say for example her childhood. She'll have that knowledge just no memories to go along with it."

Shalimar sighed knowing she was going to have to work with Emma if she wanted her to work with her.

"She thinks and feels?" Shalimar asked.

"Yes. She thinks and feels extremely close to the way Emma herself would have."

Shalimar nodded, reached into her pocket, and removed another envelope to hand to the man.

"Here's the rest of your payment," Shalimar informed and turned to rejoin Emma inside the lab.

"Shalimar," Emma called to the approaching feral. "What's going on?" she asked confused as ever at the suspicious events.

"Come on," Shalimar said helping the woman out of the chair. "We're gonna go home. I explain there."

Emma pulled herself up with the assistance of the feral and followed her friend back to the Helix on the roof.

The ride home was quiet and Shalimar began to worry about how she was going to sneak the red head into Sanctuary unnoticed. Jesse was sure to be a problem obstacle.

Pulling the Helix into the hanger Shalimar landed the craft and turned to the woman, unable to keep from smiling at the mere sight of her. She stood up and walked over to the confused woman placing a soft, comforting hand on her shoulder.

"We're home," she informed. "Come on."

"I feel like I haven't been here in ages," Emma said taking the feral's hand and stand up, surprised as to why she felt a little wobbly.

"You haven't," the feral informed regretting the words instantly as she wasn't quite ready to break the news to the woman just yet.

"What?"

"You've been…away. "

"I…I don't remember. Everything's a little hazy right now."

"I know. We'll talk about it later ok. I wanna take you to my room. I want you to stay quiet ok. Don't let anyone see or hear you."

"Why?" Emma asked questioning the unusual requests of her friend.

"I can explain right now but I need you to trust me ok. "

Sighing and feeling a little lost Emma saw no other option than to trust the word of her friend that she would explain everything to her soon after.

"Alright," she agreed letting the feral help her off the Helix.

"Jesse," Shalimar called wanting to get a heads up on his location before she proceeded any further with the red head.

"Shal, yeah what's up?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm in the lab with Adam. Why what's going on?"

"Nothing I just wanted to say I'm home. Are Brennan and Lexa back yet?"

"No they're still out."

"I'm gonna go take a shower ok. I'll talk to you later," Shalimar informed and continued to help Emma down the hall and into her room before anyone could catch a glimpse of her.

"I think she's up to something, Adam" Jesse informed. "I don't like what's going on here."

"Well, I trust Shalimar to make the right decisions. I think if she needs help she'll come to us."

"I traced a call she made earlier. It was to a underground scientific lab. She's in talks with someone there, Adam," Jesse informed letting his worry get the best of him.

"I know Shalimar's been going through a tough time lately," Adam agreed. "But I don't think we should jump to conclusions. I'll talk to her."

Jesse sighed and stood from his chair.

"I think I will too," he explained and left the scientist alone in the lab.

Shalimar sat the red head down on her bed and Emma felt relieved to finally be somewhere comfortable.

"You sit here. I'll go get you something to drink ok."

Emma nodded and Shalimar walked over and opened her door, nearly jumping out of her skin as she saw Jesse standing on the other side. She quickly slammed the door in hopes he hadn't already seen too much and the molecular raised a questing eye at her peculiar actions.

"Shal, I was hoping we could talk."

"I'm kinda busy right now, Jess," she informed. As much as she loved the man she wanted nothing more than for him to go away. Far away and for a good amount of time too.

"Are you hiding something from me?"

"What? Of course not, Jess, I told you I just have a lot on my mind right now."

"I traced your call earlier and-"

"You did what?" she asked suddenly more angry than worried at his news.

"I wanted to know what you were-"

"Jesse, what I do is my business you have no right to go behind my back like that. I told you everything was fine."

"Well I don't believe that."

"Well that's your problem, Jesse. I don't wanna talk about this anymore I have things to do," she barked and began to head for the kitchen remembering her promise to Emma.

Proving he didn't give up that easy Jesse was quick to follow her and leaned in the doorway as she began to prepare a glass of water and a plate.

"Jesse, why don't you just let this go?"

"Because I think you need some help. Why were you calling a place like that, Shal?"

Shalimar merely ignored him and kept to her business hoping he'd give up and walk away.

"What could you possibly want with..." Jesse stopped himself as the ideas came into his head. He refused to believe them at first but couldn't find any way around what seemed like the obvious. "Oh no," he finally stated looking let down and put off.

Shalimar looked up at the statement feeling her jig was up.

"I hafta go," she informed and left the kitchen for her room. She didn't make it too far however as Jesse's hand was quick to pull her around as he joined up with her in the hall.

"Tell me you didn't, Shal," he pleaded hoping beyond hope his acquisitions were wrong. "Please, Shal, you didn't. How could you?" he asked his voice a little higher now.

Knowing she was going to have to address this matter Shalimar set the plate and glass down on the table against the wall and turned back to her friend.

"No, Jesse, you don't understand. I had to. I needed-"

"No, Shal, you didn't have to do anything. You should've come to me I wanted to help you."

"It's not what you think. Not the way you think. It's her, Jesse, she's just not exactly the same. I needed to do this for myself."

"And you're that selfish?" he snapped back. "Oh my god, Shal, I never would've thought you could do this."

"I know but please don't tell anyone, Jesse."

"Where is it?" he asked looking around. "Did you bring it here?" he took a step forward and wanting to prevent him from searching the place Shalimar placed a hand to his chest to hold him back and he only glared disapprovingly at her.

"Jesse, don't."

"How…" he tried to get the words out at such a loss for them at the shock. "How could you do this? How?"

"I know, I know. When you first made that simulation I was disgusted remember. I didn't even wanna talk to it but it helped, Jesse. It took some of the hurt away and I needed it."

"That's nothing like what you've done, Shal. That simulation was a therapeutic healing device designed to help you cope with the loss."

Jesse pulled himself from the feral's grip and brought his hand up to his mouth to cover how stunned he was.

"The dreams have started again," Shalimar flatly stated, frozen in her spot.

Jesse paced back in forth in front of her trying to figure out what to do in the situation.

"What dreams?" he asked nearly throwing his hands up in anger.

"The ones I told you about. They started after she died and when you made me the simulation they stopped, then they came back, and now they're back again. There's something different about them, Jesse. Something important but I don't know what."

"So this is your solution? What are you gonna do when Adam finds out? Did you even think about how this would effect everyone else?"

"You weren't supposed to know," she shouted back turning as Adam entered the room. All the yelling from the hall had distracted him from his work and he'd come to investigate only to find two now silent mutants refusing to face each other.

"Hey, what's all the yelling about?" he asked, looking back and forth between each of them.

Jesse flashed an angry and upset look at the feral and each of them turned away from each other and Adam neither wanting to tell him what was happening.

"So is someone going to tell me what this is about?" Adam asked again not happy with being given the silent treatment.

Interrupting their awkward silence the three of them turned as laughter echoed down the hall and Brennan and Lexa walked towards them.

"I'll never forget that one," Lexa said laughing again along with Brennan who did some kind of impression as they made their way closer, each of them busting out in laughter once more. When they finally reached the others they picked up on the tense moment enrapturing the room and stood still joining them in their silence for a moment.

"What's goin' on?" Brennan finally asked looking to Jesse and Shalimar and finally Adam.

"I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out," Adam replied crossing his arms to show how fed up he was.

"Tell 'em, Shal, they have a right to know," Jesse said too upset to care what it meant to her.

"No," she denied.

"She's not real!" he yelled back, far too hurt with the reality that Emma was gone to entertain any notion she might be in Sanctuary that very moment. "She's not the real Emma," he reminded.

The name got the immediate attention of Lexa, Brennan, and Adam and all eyes were soon on Shalimar.

"Emma?" Adam questioned. "What about Emma?"

"I don't want that thing here, Shal," Jesse told her firmly.

"She's not a thing she's a human being!" the feral combated.

"With no soul?" the molecular yelled back not liking it however she tried to explain it.

"What's going on here?" Adam asked. "What did you do, Shalimar?"

"I didn't-"

"She made a fake Emma and she's harboring her here in Sanctuary," Jesse answered for her.

"Wait, Emma's here?" Brennan asked his jaw nearly on the floor.

"No she's not. She's a fake," Jesse explained.

"She's not like that she's also-"

"What?" Emma asked standing at the end of the hallway with her mouth hung open in shock.

All eyes turned to the red head and speechless mutants stared at what they would swear was Emma DeLauro.

"What am I?" Emma asked looking over each of her friends and finally Shalimar.

"A clone," Jesse answered fighting not to look at her, his voice now softer and not so angry but mad at the feral for her actions.

Emma's eyes took on a new hurt at the realization and she quickly turned running from the room.

"Nice job, Jess," Shalimar snapped in sarcasm before taking off down the hall following the salty scent of Emma's tears until reaching her bedroom.


	6. Welcome Home

As Shalimar reached the end of the trail of tears she peered into her open bedroom door watching the red head softly cry on her bed, face down to the world. The display brought a sad look to the feral's face and she showed herself into the room closing the door from intruders behind her.

"Emma," she spoke softly not wanting to startle the sobbing woman and made her way over to the edge of the bed.

"Don't call me that," Emma replied keeping her face buried in the pillow as the flood of tears was anything but heading.

"That's your name," the feral reminded and sat herself down next to her placing a soothing hand on her back.

"No it's not didn't you hear what they said? They hate me."

Shalimar could barely understand the woman now through all her crying but got the general jest of what she was saying, if nothing else her unbearable sadness was more than obvious.

"No, they're just upset. They haven't seen you in so long and-"

"But I'm not her. I'm a clone. Jesse said so," Emma said sitting herself up to look into the eyes of apparently the only friend she had left.

"I think he's just upset," the feral tried to calm her down and reached a hand out to her face, now red from crying, and ran a finger down the soft cheek removing a few tears with her journey.

Emma whipped her eyes a few times with her fists and tried to get her breathing under control.

"Why am I even here? If I'm not me, Emma, why am I here, Shal?" she asked searching for answers and only finding pain in the blonde's eyes before her.

"It's hard to explain. I've been having dreams about you since…for a long time now and I think they mean something. I think they involve you and I need to know what it is. That's why I needed you here. I need your help.

Emma thought for a moment, still not totally grasping the fact she wasn't Emma but then again how could she be expected to take the news she wasn't the person she thought she was.

"Then why didn't you just come to me and ask? I mean…Emma. Why didn't you just go to her?"

The question implemented silence from the feral. How could she break the news to her about her own death?

"You haven't been around lately," she finally answered knowing full well the real Emma wouldn't let the vague explanation end there and guessing this Emma wouldn't either.

"What do you mean? Where have I been?"

"What's the last thing you remember?"

Emma paused thinking for a moment. She must have a last memory before waking up to Shalimar's eyes. Shalimar's beautiful, soul filled, comforting…there must be a memory, she told herself concentrating harder to think back.

"I remember…running. I'm running from something," she responded continuing her deep concentration to pull out the memory locked inside her. "Um, lights are flashing. You're beside me. There's stairs and loud noises. My fingers are clinging to something. You tell me to hang on and I feel warm." Emma paused as she reached a dead end in her mind. "That's all there is. Everything goes black after that. I think that's the most recent memory I have. And then I woke up and you were standing beside me in the chair.

Shalimar felt the pain moving itself up her throat at Emma's reconstruction of her final moments and she fought the urge to cry on her shoulder.

"I've givin' you all the memories I could using Adam's NeuroImager. That was the last time I ever saw you…alive," she added looking down to the sheets as she uttered the last word.

"What?" Emma asked taking on a sadder look if even possible. "What happened?"

"The building we were in was exploding and we all tried to get out. I saw that you were holding on and when the blast came through the window we all fell to the ground. I didn't see you at first. I looked for you but…I couldn't find you anywhere. They pronounced you dead on the scene. I don't know what killed you the fire or…the blows to the head but…" Shalimar trialed off the pain in her throat and heart far too great for her to continue.

"I died?" Emma whispered needed to hear it to know it was really true.

"Yes," Shalimar answered softly lifting her head and Emma noticed the tears sliding down her cheek and leaned in to pull the blonde into a hug.

Emma only held the woman closely letting the silence fall all around them as each woman sobbed against the other, both too hurt to open their mouths and speak a single word at the moment. Shalimar drew in breath after unsteady breath and let the scent of the red head enter her offering her more comfort than anyone else's words ever could.

After a few moments of rocking against the blonde Emma pulled herself back, looking into brown eyes and faced with another question.

"How long ago was that?"

"It'll be a year next week," Shalimar informed whipping her own tears from her eyes hating it when she got like that but after all her bed was more than used to it.

"Wow," the red head gasped. Seeing the feral trying to dry her tears Emma reached out to place a gentle hand on her cheek and brushed aside the salty discharges that pooled there.

"Do you remember the other memories I gave you?" Shalimar asked when her face had finally been dried of the tears though she knew once tears of that pain had burned down her cheek they always left a scar.

"Um, a little bit. I can see things here and there but they're not all clear. It's like watching a movie but there's scenes missing."

"The doctor said it might take some time for your brain to fully register each memory. It'll get easier." Shalimar sighed and stood from the bed remembering her friend must be thirsty and hungry after such an exhausting night. "I'll go get you that water and a snack ok," she informed standing from the tear-dampened sheets beneath her.

Emma smiled back up at her friend's kind words.

"Thanks."

Giving Emma one last glance Shalimar exited the room nearly sighing out loud in the relief everyone wasn't still standing outside her door. The plate and glass she'd set down had been removed and she decided to head to the kitchen for another one. Her relief wasn't long lasting however as she made her way back into the kitchen finding herself confronted with the other four members of the team before she had a chance to enter.

"Shalimar, we need to talk," Adam's stern voice informed.

"Adam, I really don't wanna do this now."

"Come on, Shal, this isn't very fair to any of us," Brennan intervened and Shalimar shot him a pissed off look for speaking up.

"What's not fair is that I can't have any privacy in my own home. What's not fair is that there's a confused girl in their crying because all you couldn't just mind your own businesses."

"Don't try to justify your actions, Shal," the elemental shot back annoyed himself that Shalimar had taken matters into her own hands without telling anyone.

"I'm not your girlfriend anymore, Brennan, I don't have to justify anything to you. I'll tell you what I want, when I want, and right now I don't feel like talking to any of you," she snapped glaring at each of her teammates and pushed past the dark haired man in the kitchen doorway to begin preparation on another snack for her friend.

"Alright, Adam began lifting his hand to the others to signify he wanted to be alone with the blonde. Adam walked into the kitchen and stepped behind her hoping a softer approach might get her to talk to him despite knowing how stubborn she could be. "Why don't you tell me why you did this?"

Shalimar sighed and continued on making a sandwich never lifting an eye to Adam as she spoke.

"I need her, Adam."

"Shalimar, I know you're hurting right now but you have all of us to-"

"It's not like that, Adam. I need Emma right now. I need her help."

"Her help for what? What can a clone provide you with that your friends can't?"

"I can't explain it all to you right now," she simply stated knowing the reasons behind her actions would lead her into an ever bigger discussion than the Emma clone one already had.

"How did you even clone her?"

"I took some of her DNA from your research lab and I used the NeuroImager to program her with all the memories I could. Her brain frequencies and DNA are Emma's. Her feelings, her thoughts, her sense of morals, everything attributed to Emma has been applied to her. She's a human being," the feral informed lifting the plate and glass and heading for the door past Adam.

"I'd like to see her."

"Not tonight, Adam."

"Shalimar, this clone could have characteristics we're not aware of. I wanna get her in the lab and run some tests before agreeing to keep her here at Sanctuary, make sure everything's ok."

"You're not actually considering this, Adam," Jesse's voice shot from outside the kitchen as he continued to wait in the hallway with Lexa and Brennan.

"Jesse," Adam warned informing the molecular it wasn't the time to make matters worse.

"And I'd like to run some tests on you too, Shalimar," Adam added.

Shalimar tuned to look at him knowing he was going to test Emma whether she liked it or not and sighed knowing she had to tell him what he wanted to hear.

"Can it at least wait until tomorrow? We've both been through enough for tonight."

"Alright. I want you to keep a close eye on her tonight and I'll expect to get a look at you both in the morning."

Shalimar sighed an agreement and turned to leave the room unable to ignore the stares from her teammates as she made her way back to her room.

"Emma? What are you doing?" Shalimar asked at spotting the red head outside her bedroom looking confused.

"I was just…looking around," Emma answered.

"Come on," Shalimar said gesturing back to the bedroom door. "Why don't you come rest up ok?"

Emma nodded and followed the feral back into the bedroom. Shalimar set the plate and glass down on the nightstand and baked up to lock the bedroom door knowing it really wouldn't do any good if her friends were that intent on getting into the room. Especially Jesse.

Emma sit herself down and had a sip of the cold water letting it sooth her ills as it slid down her welcoming throat. When she'd drank her fill she set it back on the cup holder and looked up to watch Shalimar pull some clothes out of her dresser.

Emma eyed the sandwich on the plate and decided it best to keep her strength after all she literally couldn't remember when she'd eaten last and she lifted the bread filled food to her mouth for a taste.

"I went to my room but…it wasn't there anymore," Emma said and Shalimar stopped her rummaging at the words and turned to face her.

"I know. Lexa sleeps in there now," the feral informed and continued on with her actions. "I kept a lot of your things," she said and made her way over to the closet, unzipping a suitcase and pulling some clothes out of there as well.

Shalimar picked up the light blue nightclothes and brought them over to the confused looking red head, handing them to her.

"Is she the dark haired woman I saw in the hall?"

"Yeah. That's her. She came to join us shortly after…about a year ago," the blonde informed and quickly pulled off her top to pull over her nightshirt instead.

"I guess there's a lot I need to learn," Emma said taking the clothes. "But…I still have my feelings. I mean I think I do. They're probably not the same as they were before because I haven't had them as long but…I know who my friends and that I care about them." Emma looked down at the thought and her eyes deepened with more sadness. "I mean Emma's friends. They don't seem very eager to let me stay here."

"I'll talk to them tomorrow," the feral promised and pulled up the comforting sleep pants.

"You cared about me the most. I mean, her," Emma said looking up at the feral who was climbing into bed beside her.

"You," Shalimar corrected getting herself cozy under the covers.

Emma smiled and pulled her shirt off quickly reminding the feral she hadn't been wearing and bra and Shalimar diverted her eyes slightly as the red head changed into her sleep clothes beside her and joined her underneath the covers.

Leaning over to the nightstand beside her Shalimar flipped out the light and snuggled herself into a comfortable position. She looked over to Emma who turned over on her side and tried her best to fall asleep and Shalimar sighed hoping soon she'd be able to rest for the long day she knew was to come tomorrow.


	7. Waves

Shalimar giggled as Emma splashed water into her face and laughed at her own actions. She wiped the droplets from her eyes and repaid her debt to the psionic with a large splash of her own. Emma giggled and continued enjoying their water sport under the smiling sun each splashing each other as warm bodied moved ever so closer in the otherwise calm waters.

A large gust of water was swooped up into the psionic's face as she stopped to stand before the laughing blonde. Emma was now soaked from head to toe despite the fact she'd just gotten in the water and had yet to be underneath it.

"Ok, ok," Emma pleaded putting her hands up as if to block the splashes. "I'm cold."

Shalimar laughed in triumph as she took the final few steps between them and ran her hands through her now wet hair. Gazing over to her water buddy she watched as the psionic did the same, unable to keep her eyes from trailing over her exposed midriff as she bent backwards to ring out her red locks. The feral's eyes nearly lit up at the sight of her stomach muscles moving ever so slightly just above the blue line on her bikini at her hips. Unconsciously, her tongue broke free from her mouth to moisten her lips although she didn't know why as she was salivating more than enough just looking at the woman.

Golden eyes flickered in the sunlight reflecting off the droplets of water running down the psionic's light skin and Shalimar bit her lip. She could almost hear that body calling out to her, begging her, screaming her name in hopes of some release of the sexual tension between them and oh how she begged to answer the desirable call.

She watched as the woman flung her long hair back behind her shoulder and began to fiddle with the straps keeping her top in place. Shalimar's eyes narrowed as she kept her concentration surprised how her eyes hadn't already burned a hole in her straps or skin even. How she hated those straps. She fought hard the urge to take the final step it would require to place her flush against the red head and tug those thin straps down with her teeth. The task only became harder with each passing second until her eyes finally pulled from the damp shoulder as Emma began to tug on the top causing her breasts to jiggle slightly but more than enough to catch a hungry feral's eyes.

Shalimar's tongue took on a mind of its own again and she parted her lips before pressing her tongue between them all the while her glare never ceasing. She didn't notice just how non-ceasing it was until after she heard the soft chuckle and somehow managed to shift her eyes to Emma's own. It was at this time she realized her tongue was still halfway out of her mouth and she'd been glaring at the woman like some pubescent sex starved boy or something and she causally brought the muscle back into her mouth, her eyes turning away from Emma in a slight moment's embarrassment at ogling her. If they hadn't been in the water and already wet the drool she was sure was slightly evident in her mouth and probably in the corner would have also given her away.

Emma only smiled at the flattery and took it upon herself to close the small distance between them taking each of Shalimar's hands in her own and wiggling them playfully.

"Well," she began in a low, sexy voice that sent Shalimar's hormones into an uproar. "Now that you've gotten me all wet what do you plan to do about it?"

Shalimar tried to hide the almost gulp she took in at the arousing words and delicate touch embracing her already pulsing skin. She twisted her wrists in Emma's hold in an effort to hide her increasing heart beat from the woman and grinned as she caught the playful glare in her mischievous blue crystals.

Emitting a small growl similar to that of a lioness, Shalimar pounced onto her victim sending the psionic plummeting into the cold waters below. At least Emma thought it was cold, Shalimar couldn't understand the reasoning as she was becoming increasingly hotter by the minute at their game.

Emma shook her head back and forth as her face resurfaced and Shalimar turned hers away as window washer type red strands hit her in the face at the psionic's actions.

Laughing, Shalimar spit out the few bits of water that had managed to make their way into her unwelcoming mouth and Emma made a playfully disgusted face as she pushed it out in a fountain style way right beside the red head.

"Gee thanks, hun," Emma remarked sarcastically.

"Anytime."

Shalimar looked around as she suddenly could hardly feel the water around her anymore only softness under her heated skin. Looking back to Emma in question she asked, "What's going on?"

"I'm drowning," Emma said suddenly, her face taking on a serious look and Shalimar could feel all their playful nature leaving the atmosphere in that instant.

"What?" Shalimar asked confused by the words.

"Help me," Emma's weak voice pleaded and Shalimar's face curled up in question.

"What," she began but the next thing she knew Emma was floating away and getting farther from her by the second. It was odd to her especially since there was no current and no waves. If anything the water was dead calm.

"Emma!" she called after her friend hoping to coax her into returning but it was no use; she was too far away by now to hear her. "Emma, where are you going? Come back!" she called.

Shalimar sprawled herself out into the water, hardly recognizing it a such, and tried to swim to the woman who was moving off into the distance.

"Emma, come back!" she called again feeling near panic and enraptured by confusion. "Come back! Come back to me, Emma!"

"I'm right here," Emma said without thinking as she shook the feral from her sleeping, or more like sleep yelling state.

"Huh?" a tired voice asked and Shalimar rolled over to face the psionic allowing herself to forget she was a clone for a just a brief moment simply enjoying the feel of her skin on her bare shoulder.

Shalimar sat herself up letting it sink in that she was still in her bed. She sighed heavily before allowing her body to drop itself back onto the mattress, eyes staring up at the ceiling almost as blank as those next to her.

"You were dreaming," Emma informed finally pulling her hand from the feral's sweaty skin. "About," she paused, contemplating whether or not to say me or use the word Emma. But she was Emma too wasn't she? "About me," she finally concluded, her statement a little bit more of a question than she intended.

Shalimar breathed out the breath she'd been keeping in and turned to lie on her side facing Emma. Propping herself up on her pillow she starred into the blue sky before her. The doctor really did a great job of capturing Emma's essence, she thought. If she didn't know any better, she herself would swear the woman before her who looked, sounded, smelled, talked, walked, and even smiled the way Emma did was her. But wasn't she anyway?

"I've been having these dreams about…about you," she answered trying to get herself used to speaking to Emma and not just about Emma like she had been. "They're these memories of us each time. Memories I love. Happy memories but every time just before I wake up it changes. The memory changes into something false. Something that didn't really happen. I've been logging them all in notebooks and using the imaging machine to catalog them in file."

"You think they're important?" Emma asked searching the deep eyes before her.

"I don't know. I know it means something. I know it all means something I just don't know what yet. That's what I need your help with."

Emma nodded and looked at the clock on the nightstand.

"Adam said he wanted us to meet him in the lab a little while ago. I think we should get ready," Emma informed reluctantly sliding herself off the bed not at all up for playing lab rat to a bunch of angry mutants but not wanting them all to come barging into her, no Shalimar's, bedroom to drag her out.

"Alright. You get ready and I'll meet you in there ok. I just wanna hit the imager while these memories are still fresh in my mind."

"I wanted to ask you," Emma began but cut herself off mid sentence not sure it was the right time for her question and deciding it better left to a more soothing moment. "Never mind. I'll be ready in a few."

Shalimar stood still for a moment as if half expecting Emma to say something but smiled before heading out the door.


	8. Scattered

Emma looked herself over in the mirror, hardly recognizing the image staring back at her. She felt like it had been ages since she'd looked at herself and sighed knowing it was going to take more than a little getting used to if she wanted to feel at home again.

Deciding there was no putting it off any longer she revved herself up for confrontation and headed for the door beginning to make her way down the hall. She knew this place well, knew every nook and cranny of Sanctuary yet walking down it's halls she couldn't help the feeling she was somewhat out of place. She tried to dismiss the uncertainty as just nerves since she'd been gone so long but something in the pit of her stomach nagged her on and she was grateful when she entered Adam's lab that the tests would at least give her something else to focus on for a while.

Emma stepped through the doors she'd been through a million times yet never set foot across at the same time. She was thankful she hadn't run into Jesse, Brennan, or Lexa on her way there and smiled up at Adam hoping to start off, or continue, on the right foot with him.

Adam looked up as the red head entered his lab. He merely looked her over for a moment, taking in a deep breath as he stared at the team member, friend, he'd thought he'd lost long ago. She was perfect, he thought. So perfect in fact he had to remind himself although she was Emma she was still a clone, a carbon copy of the original woman. But what a piece of work.

"Emma," he greeted stepping over to her and laying a hand on her shoulder. "Please, come sit down."

He motioned with his free hand to the chair and Emma smiled and made her way over to sit, making herself comfortable.

Adam lifted a small light from his pocket and shown it in her face as he checked her vitals. For a clone she was quite amazing really, he thought, marveled at the woman and her astonishing existence. Having only been back at Sanctuary for a little while himself, he could relate to how the red head must be feeling and hoped Shalimar knew that despite the previous night's events.

"Tell me, how do you feel?" he asked looking into those deep eyes of hers. She looked exactly like Emma in those eyes, well, almost.

"I feel pretty good except my memories are all choppy and misplaced."

"I bet. Being pumped full of all that information must be hard for your brain to compute so soon," he answered walking around her. "I'm going to run a few tests now, take some blood, do some scans, make sure everything's alright with you. Now I want you to look straight ahead and remain as still as possible."

Emma nodded and did as she was told. Soon enough a scanner began to run up and down her body and she worried for a moment at what he might find. This being alive thing was new to her and she didn't really understand herself as much as she'd like to and if she couldn't even feel completely secure with herself how could she blame anyone else if they didn't? Except Shalimar. Shalimar always seemed comfortable with her, she reminded herself. If nothing else at least someone wanted her here. Someone wanted her here enough to give her life even. But this wasn't nearly the first time the feral had given her new life, she thought, thinking back to the only memories she could access at the moment. Shalimar had saved her life many times, never with a second's hesitation. Yes, she was sure Shalimar was completely sure of her, or at least the real Emma, so why wasn't she?

Shalimar made her way to the lab desperately wanting to speak with Emma when a familiar scent moved into her nose bringing about an aggravated sigh. She stopped for a moment and didn't bother to turn around as she spoke.

"Not now, Jesse."

"Shalimar, we need to talk." His voice was firm as she could tell he had quite a bit to get of his chest but she was in no mood to relieve him of any of it.

"I said not now," she firmly reminded him.

"Look at least let me apologize."

The softer words got her to turn and face him but what he saw on her face was anything but sympathy.

"For what? Being a jerk and hurting Emma's feelings?"

"For upsetting you," he corrected stepping closer to her as he spoke. "I just want you to know why this upsets me so much."

Shalimar sighed diverting her eyes from him but allowing him to continue on.

"I miss Emma too but she's gone and nothing can bring her back. That clone is just a shell of Emma. What she was inside is gone and every time I'm gonna see that clone that's all I'll be able to think about and the thought hurts, Shal. I don't know if can handle it. And I know how you felt about Emma and…I was just trying to look out for you. I don't want you to hurt yourself and I think eventually this will hurt you."

Shalimar took the final step to bring their bodies closer, touched by his sad face and emotions even she couldn't help picking up from her friend. A gentle hand reached up and pressed itself to the molecular's cheek, her own emotions and his seeming to collide as they touched.

"I know," she whispered. "But I need you to trust me, Jess. There's more going on here than you know and I can't explain it all to you right now but I just need you to trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Jesse sighed as Shalimar stepped back and he hoped his confession had moved something inside the usually strong sensed feral.

Shalimar smiled at her friend and turned to head back down the hall destined for the lab.

"I hope you're right," Jesse said in a sigh as the blonde turned the corner and out of view.

"As soon as I'm done here I'll let you know what's up," Adam explained to the red head still in the chair when all tests had been run.

"Emma," Shalimar said entering the lab and walking directly over to her friend, a sense of déjà vu striking her as she peered down at her in the chair.

"Shal, I'm glad you're here. We need to go stop Ashlocke," Emma said standing from the chair and fixing herself up a little.

The statement got Adam's attention and he looked up with curious eyes and Shalimar shifted hers to him before returning them to Emma's.

"Whoa, slow down, hun, what about Ashlocke?"

"We have to stop him," Emma reiterated, determination more than evident in her eyes. She took a step forward and Shalimar's hands were soon on her shoulders keeping her grounded in her place.

"Ashlocke's dead, sweetie," she informed.

Her words only brought more confusion to Emma and she squinted her eyes in question.

"What?" she asked not understanding what was going on.

"We already stopped Ashlocke, hun. That's just a memory you're remembering."

Emma was silent. She tried to think back and couldn't seem to place the memory on a timeline at least not in the right order. She brought a hand up to her head as total confusion now took her over.

"I thought…he's evil we need to…"

"We already did. That already happened," Shalimar informed moving her hands up and down Emma's arms in comforting strokes.

"I don't…I can't remember. I just remember we need to stop him and-"

"I know," Shalimar interrupted pulling Emma into a closer embrace. "That's just the first part of the memory. The rest will come to you ok."

"I can't place anything on a proper timeline," Emma informed sounding frustrated with herself. "I don't know when anything happened."

"As your memories come back to you it's only natural you'll feel a little confused," Adam intervened hoping to bring some comfort to the woman. "I'll check all the test results and make sure there are no problems with your brain's functionality. You should be able to process each memory you were given but it's likely to take some time to get used to."

"See, everything will be ok," Shalimar informed holding the woman in her arms.

"Yeah," Emma answered softly looking into the feral's loving eyes and suddenly feeling much better.

"Why don't you come lie down ok? I'll make you some breakfast."

The invitation sounded more than appealing to Emma and she smiled allowing the feral to lead her back to her room.


	9. Feelings

Shalimar assisted Emma onto the bed and she immediately put her feet up looking forward to a little relaxation after being subjected to Adam's tests.

"You rest here. I'll fix you some pancakes," Shalimar informed.

If nothing else, Shalimar's care for her was the only thing making Emma feel comfortable and at home and she smiled at her friend's thoughtful gesture.

"Thanks."

"When you get a handle on your memories I want you to review my dreams with me. I want you to take a long at what I've been seeing. Help me piece it together."

"I'd be happy to," Emma said with a smile. "As soon as I can piece myself together that is."

Shalimar smiled and reached out to grip Emma's arm before making her way to the door and heading down the hall. It was hurting her watching Emma suffer with her memories and with all that had been happening to herself lately she could certainly understand where she was coming from.

Emma lie sprawled out on Shalimar's bed trying to get the little pieces floating around in her head into some sort of order. She huffed in frustration knowing it wasn't any use and was only giving her a headache the more she tried.

"Well, Rome wasn't built in a day," she reminded herself out loud.

Suddenly her mind tapped into the presence of someone outside the door. She listened to it closely trying to determine the identity of the figure she was sure was on the other side.

Before she could place the visitor the door was soon opening and Jesse stepped into the room. Deciding that three steps was more than enough he stood firmly in his place, a blank look coming over him as he stared at her.

"Hi, Jesse," she finally greeted when all he offered was silence.

Jesse took a breath. She sounded exactly like Emma. He thought for a moment contemplating if he was really ready for this moment. He didn't anticipate how much like Emma she would be and the more he thought about it the more he realized how stupid that was of him. After all, she was an exact clone. She was Emma recreated.

"Hi," he offered slowly. He looked to the floor and tried to hide the fact he was diverting his eyes from her but she noticed, the action slightly stinging her insides that her own friend wouldn't look her in the eye.

"I've missed you," she offered, smiling sweetly though he wouldn't have noticed at his refusal to meet her eyes with his own.

The words stuck a nerve inside the blonde and he took in another deep breath now sure he wasn't ready for this. He wanted to tell her he'd missed her too. Wanted to run over and wrap his arms around her. She was Emma after all. But he knew better. He knew she was lacking something Emma had and couldn't get his mind past the unnerving fact no matter how hard he tried. Why couldn't he just let himself pretend? Shalimar was in love with her and she could do it. Why couldn't he?

Jesse finally lifted his eyes to hers. God, she was Emma alright. But no carbon copy is 100 percent perfect and it was minimal but he could see the difference. He could see it in her eyes. What Emma always had there and what she held as well yet not nearly as much as the original had. How could Shalimar look at her and not miss Emma?

Emma could feel his pain now and it was breaking her heart. She slid from the bed slowly as if Jesse was a timid rabbit she didn't want to frighten away with any sudden movements and stood herself before him awaiting his move.

"I've missed you too," he finally spoke, not only wanting to tell her so but wanting to free himself of his feelings. Maybe, just maybe, he could understand why Shalimar felt better at her presence. She had what Emma always had, a glow about her that bounced off her and brightened up all those around her. He'd missed that at Sanctuary, unable to deny how dim the place became after her death. He looked up, content for a brief moment just to stand before her and bask, forgetting for a second she wasn't 100 percent Emma.

He had to admit he was amazed by the woman. He'd missed the woman he called team mate, friend, for so long and just to have her before him now was almost enough to make him forget the incident had ever happened. But you never really forget something like that. It still probed deep inside his mind, his heart, despite how much he'd wish it away it was always there, but now so was Emma.

He tried to focus on just her, reaching a hand out to place it on her shoulder as if he had to touch her to see if she was really there. He almost seemed surprised when his hand landed against her and he looked back into her eyes to question it.

Emma smiled back at him, not a big smile, just enough to light an astrodome if needed and he couldn't help but allow a slight hint of one to come across his own lips.

It was comforting to see her before him and he was soon forgetting everything else, letting himself revel in the enjoyment Emma had always brought him and transferring all his feelings for the psionic onto the woman before him, onto Emma.

Seeing the moment as a chance to reconnect with her friend, Emma leaned in to pull him into a close hug, smiling against his shoulder when he didn't pull away but instead let her embrace take him in fully. He rubbed his hands along her back allowing the woman to comfort his hidden wounds and he took a deep breath of her air, allowing himself to smile at having his friend back in his life.

Finally, pulling herself back Emma looked into the telling eyes of the blonde man, his sadness and joy awakening something inside her and she opened herself to it, connecting their minds.

Jesse gasped as all Emma's confusion and love entered his consciousness. She told him with her mind how much she wanted to be there at Sanctuary and how much she appreciated everyone's love for her and all she wanted was to be accepted again.

"Jesse," Adam interrupted the moment and Emma broke their connection.

Jesse took a moment to catch his breath and get control of the situation before answering.

"Yeah, Adam, I'm here,"

"I want you to come to the lab as soon as possible."

"Alright. I'll be right there," he answered just finally getting his breathing and thoughts straight.

Jesse looked up to Emma and a questioning look came over his innocent face.

"You have powers?"

"Well, yeah, I mean I am Emma," she answered.

"Yeah," he replied his voice a little lower that time and he turned to the door. "I gotta go."

"See ya later."

"Yeah."

Jesse left the room passing Shalimar on her way in as he did so.

Shalimar walked into the bedroom looking at Jesse as he walked down the hall. Shutting the door she immediately turned her attention to Emma.

"Hey. What was that all about?" she asked placing a hand on Emma's shoulder.

"Jesse and I were just catching up."

"Oh. Well here sit down I made you some breakfast," Shalimar informed gesturing to the bed.

Emma sat herself back against the headboard and Shalimar set herself beside the psionic, lifting a TV tray to place over Emma's legs. Emma smiled down at the pancakes and eggs the feral had prepared for her and Shalimar set the glass of orange juice on the nightstand.

"Thanks for always taking care of me," Emma said smiling lovingly at her feral friend.

Shalimar scooted herself back against the headboard beside her friend turning her head to the psionic a few inches from her own face.

"I always will."

"I know," Emma replied her smile now brighter than ever.

Jesse headed into the lab as per Adam's request to find him analyzing at the computer.

"Hey, Adam, what's up?"

"Jesse, I want you to come take a look at this," Adam replied looking back to the screen before him.

Walking over to the monitor Jesse glanced down to see the suspicious looking connection from Sanctuary.

"What is that?"

"I think it's some kind of a call made from Sanctuary. Do you have any idea what it is?"

Jesse looked over the information and shook his head.

"No, I've never see anything like that. This is from last night? Did you try and track it?"

"Yes but it's not easy. This frequency was outgoing. I barely got a read on it but it has some kind of cloaking device designed to hide it's transmission."

"You think you can crack it?"

"Well, it'll take some time but I'd love to get to the bottom of whatever's being sent out of here and to whom. I need to look over some more of Emma's tests can you take a look into that?"

"I'm on it," Jesse replied parking himself at the screen and getting straight to work.


	10. Trust

"What's goin' on?" Brennan asked striding into the lab to find Adam and Jesse already hard at work. "You guys ever take a holiday?"

"Adam thinks Sanctuary's security might have been compromised last night," Jesse informed too focused to be bothered and look at the elemental.

"There's a security breach?" Lexa asked following the dark haired man into the room and feeling comfortable with making her way to stand behind Jesse's shoulder and observe him.

Brennan walked over to get a look at what the molecular was up to and squinted at the screen.

"It's not a security breach I'm just a little concerned with this unknown transmission frequency leaving Sanctuary," Adam corrected.

"Where do you think it could've come from?" Brennan asked.

"We don't know yet," Jesse regretfully informed in a sigh.

"Well, if you ask me it doesn't take a genius," Lexa said putting in her two cents not caring no one had asked for it. "Emma DeLauro or whoever she is has got my vote."

Jesse cocked his head a little wanting to turn around fully and give her the evil eye but remained calm determined to get to the real cause of the signals.

"Try to keep it down, Lex, I think we already upset her enough," he asked trying to be polite while still show her he was serious.

Lexa raised an eyebrow to Brennan and he couldn't help but allow her own curiosity to jump into his questioning mind.

"Well, it seems your attitude's certainly changed since last night."

He turned his chair fully around to her at that so he could look her in the eye, wanting to see for himself any accusation she might be implying.

"I'm not accusing her of anything until I know what's going on."

"Come on, Jess. Emma clone shows up here and the very same night there's some specious transmission coming from Sanctuary. What do you need a flare to see that signal?"

Jesse sighed and turned his chair back to the computer preferring to look at the screen rather than Lexa's judgmental and unfeeling eyes.

"You gotta admit, Jess, it is a little suspicious," Brennan agreed surprised he actually agreed with the woman but had to admit her points were basically shooting for the bull's eye and thus far hitting it.

"Suspicious, maybe," he agreed giving them that at the very least. "Proof, not in the slightest. I want you two to keep this quiet until we know more. Don't say anything to Shalimar."

Neither Brennan nor Lexa challenged his request but both couldn't help wonder why he suddenly cared so much about the woman he'd addressed and something far less than human no less than twelve hours prior.

"Don't tell me you've already forgotten she's a clone." Lexa's voice was anything but caring or heartfelt and Jesse ignored her knowing having not known Emma she couldn't possibly begin to understand what she was talking about.

"She's not just a clone ok. She's also Emma. She has her feelings, her powers, her-"

"Wait a minute that clone has powers?" the woman asked turning to Adam for some answers only to find him nod and she knew he'd probably known that all along but didn't bother to mention it to anyone else.

"Well, that makes sense," Adam concluded. "After all she is, like Jesse said, Emma. She has her genes. Is almost like Emma being reborn and she was born with her abilities. They're in her DNA."

Brennan nodded at the statement seeming to be the only one of them not shocked that cloned Emma was a psionic.

"Yeah when you and Shal were cloned they had your powers," he reminded.

Lexa shook her head. The more she heard about this whole crazy situation the more she disliked it.

"Yeah well that's my point. Who knows how this Emma's gonna act? She could be a totally different person who's just playing the part until she can make her move."

"She doesn't even remember her life," Jesse combated turning to face her again so he might look into the eyes of his challenger.

"Well I don't buy it, and I don't trust her."

"You don't even know her."

"Neither do you, Jesse. She's been alive less than a day and since she's been here nothing good has happened. We have no reason to trust her. I think we should put her in the containment field."

"No," Jesse was quick to protest. He'd just gotten his friend back after a year wand wasn't about to lock her up while Adam ran tests on her and Lexa sneered at her.

"Better safe than sorry right? Personally I don't wanna wake up one morning paralyzed because some psionic clone went off the deep end."

"She's not a criminal, Lexa."

"She's a clone with mutant abilities. Who knows what she's capable of? I don't and I sure as hell don't wanna find out."

"Then you don't have to be here."

Jesse turned his eyes away after the statement. He hadn't expected he'd be so protective over Emma but hearing Lexa talk about her that way was making his blood boil.

"Jesse, I think you need to be rational about this. You're transferring all your feelings for Emma onto that clone. She's not your friend, Jesse, she's a thing created by some doctor. A doctor you yourself said last night that you didn't trust. Now whose side are you gonna take here?" she demanded.

Jesse sighed and looked back up to her eyes although she could see he wasn't in a sympathizing mode right now.

"I felt what she's feeling inside, Lexa. She's good," he corrected, turning his chair back around. "And she is my friend."

Lexa stood still stunned that Jesse was fooled by the woman and silence reigned over all three of them for a few minutes until Adam stepped in.

"Anyways," Adam began feeling a change of topic was more than needed. "About the current mutant build up I briefed you on yesterday I want you two to get to work on that today," he reminded in his fatherly tone.

"Yeah," Lexa agreed softly being sure to allow her disappointment to be made apparent as she blew out a long sigh over the back of Jesse's neck.

He fought the urge to turn and look at her as the clicking of her shoes across the floor echoed as it moved farther and farther from him until he was sure it was safe to turn his chair back around in her absence.

Shalimar rest her head on Emma's lap breathing deeply so she might take in every bit of the amazing atmosphere around her. It was way too long overdue and she intended to enjoy it to the fullest for as long as she could.

Emma wiped her mouth with the flower patterned napkin and set the tray on the floor at the bedside. Smiling, she ran her long fingers through the dark blonde locks draped across her legs in a soft blanket and stoked the cheek beneath ever so slightly.

Shalimar's eyes closed at the remarkable and warm touch. If she had her way she'd never more from that spot and would spend the rest of her life enjoying Emma's comforting presence.

"Thank you for breakfast," Emma's grateful voice came sounding like music to the feral's ears. Music she wanted to record and listen to every day for the rest of her life but knew she wouldn't have to now that the psionic had returned to her and if her plans went perfectly would remain so.

Shalimar was silent still taking in the woman holding her and she shifted her head in the psionic's lap unable to get close enough to her for satisfaction.

"Thank you," Shalimar answered her eyes remaining tightly closed in her bliss.

"For what?"

"Everything," she answered simultaneously with her sigh. As she took a breath she let the magnificent aroma of the red head refill her lungs with much needed desire and she twisted her head in the lap to look up at the bright blue heaven above her.

"I have something for you," the feral informed reaching her hand down into the blue jeans pocket against her thigh.

Shalimar reached out to take Emma's right hand in her own and Emma offered no protest letting the feral guide her where she saw fit. Shifting onto her back, Shalimar raised Emma's hand before her chest and the psionic watched as she slipped a ring onto her empty ring finger.

"Your comring," the feral informed. "I think it's time you put it back on."

Emma smiled at being made one of the team once again and at the delicious touch of the feral holding her hand. When the ring was all the way onto her welcoming finger she pulled her hand back to look at it knowing how a new bride must feel as she was nearly bursting with excitement.

Shalimar watched as the psionic appreciated the ring and Emma's face twisted into that of confusion.

"What is it?" Shalimar asked letting her head drop back into psionic's lap. Who'd take pillows when there was a body that soft in the room?

"I remember," Emma said, her eyes seeming to sparkle at the words, even more so that usual that is. "I remember the first time you gave this to me. I never felt so wanted in all my life. So at home."

Shalimar smiled allowing herself to recall that day. The first time she realized she couldn't go on with Mutant X unless Emma was to be there by her side.

"That was the day my whole life changed," Emma informed, letting her hand slowly descend upon the delighted feral to stroke her hair some more.

"Mine too," Shalimar agreed, her eyes closing to revel in Emma's touch some more.

"Shalimar," Adam called over her comlink.

Shalimar ignored the man choosing Emma over anything he could possibly have to say to her.

"Shalimar," he called again, his voice a little sterner like a teacher scolding a young child.

"What?" she asked, her own voice a low groan of disapproval.

"I wanna get those tests run on you. I need you to come to the lab."

"I'll be there later, Adam."

"Shalimar, this is important. I'd like to get this done as soon as possible. Please."

Shalimar huffed and slowly sat herself up from Emma's lap. 'Why on earth would I wanna stay here when I could be tested?' she asked herself sarcastically.

"I think you'd better go," Emma informed running her hand the length of her friend's blonde locks once more.

"Alright, Adam, I'm on my way."

"Thanks for the ring."

Shalimar slid herself off the bed and gave her body a small stretch as her feet hit the floor. She turned back to smile at her friend and headed for the door.

"You're welcome. Just try to keep it on this time," she asked, her voice displaying a sense of hurt and warning and Emma analyzed the meaning as the door to the bedroom was shut behind.


	11. Drowning

**Important Author's Note: Due to rereading of this story recently, I've decided to add another "story" or part to this "Angst Series" that will better help explain some memories/scenes which are upcoming in later chapters of this story rather than make that story part of this story. I've posted that story on here and it's called "Cats Eyes," and takes place before this series.**

**Important Author's Note 2: This scene is in italics because it occurs in the PAST. Whenever there is a scene in the past it will be written in italics like this. The difference is this is not a flashback or a dream, which are not written in italics, but this is a scene itself taking place in the past, not a memory someone's thinking of or something from someone's mind. Also, scenes from the past are not necessarily in chronological order, rather in order they need to be introduced which does tend to be in slight chronological order even if they do "jump around", so don't think you missed something if suddenly there's a memory from a year ago and then there's one from a year and a half ago because it's necessary. There will be some kind of mention as to when the scenes take place in each.**

11

Drowning

_Sad feral eyes starred blankly at the wall before them. They hadn't seen a different sight in nearly an hour and could hardly see the wall itself clearly through the buildup of tears both shed and unshed in her brown eyes, now red rimmed from the storm she was brewing. _

_Shalimar didn't care. No monsoon could ever hold a candle to the storm she was brewing inside the confines of her own bedroom. With no motivation to get up from the tear soaked mattress she couldn't care less about what was occurring outside her little room of pain she'd been keeping herself cooped up in for a few days now. Maybe more. She'd lost count a while back._

_Those sad eyes and broken heart saw no reason to leave her room. There was no longer a bright ray of sunshine she'd met in the hall. No smooth arms that would outstretch for her morning hug she'd come to need more than anything else. No beautiful face to smile back at her when she flashed her own pearly whites. No deep blue eyes that would stare lovingly into her own while wishing her a pleasant morning. In fact, no more pleasant mornings at all and that was hardly motivation to creep from the sorrow of her room. No there was no more happiness in her world._

_Emma was more than her best friend, she'd realized. She somehow had made the jump from caring and reliable friend to woman she loved, more than loved. What she had felt, and still felt, for her friend convincingly transcended love. It was unconditional. Unmatchable. Unmistakable. Yes, it was true love in its deepest, purest, most perfect form. She would have gladly died for her if she could have._

_The bed sheets seemed ruff against her skin as the feral turned over if for no other reason than to find a dry spot on her bed to cry on as she had begun to stick to the pillow on the other side. She tired to limit her motions as they only heightened the extent to which she could feel the emptiness which lived inside her. Sometimes she would convince herself if it wasn't for that pain she wouldn't even know she was still alive but even that wasn't enough for her at times. _

_Her face was frozen in its expression day after day. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd smiled, truly smiled, and meant it, but she was sure Emma was somehow involved in putting it on her face. How could she smile now? How could she ever smile again without her broken heart there to remind her she'd never gaze upon one of the psionic's own sweet smiles? How could she even consider allowing herself a moments pleasure or happiness? No, she couldn't, it seemed too selfish, too forgetful of her, and she couldn't forget even if she wanted to. _

_She remembered the first time Emma made her smile, how wonderful it felt. How even then the psionic had managed to not just make the action occur but somehow it seemed like she'd reached inside the feral, pulling out all the joy and happiness she held within and spread it across the blonde face herself creating a beautifully perfect rainbow smile. No one else even had that effect on her and she didn't anticipate anyone else ever would. That was the first time she'd truly experienced happiness. No, she'd never truly smile again. _

_A knock came at the door but she was oblivious to it, too far lost in her own grief to allow any outside intrusions. She might have smelled the intruder but a swelled nose from all her crying hindered her senses. _

_"Shal?" a voice called from the foot of the bed but she couldn't be bothered to turn around. Either that or she just didn't have it in her body for the effort. Either way all that was given was her back._

_"Hey, Shal, you alright?" the soft voice called again but still wasn't enough to shake the feral from her land of misery. _

_A gentle hand ran up Shalimar's thigh and rested on her hip through the denim blue jeans and it finally occurred to her she had a visitor though she didn't so much as flinch at the gesture._

_"Go away," she ordered, softly, her weakness which was hardly ever seen was more than apparent in her tone. Of course, the flood of tears pouring from her puffy eyes would also suggest the same. _

_Brennan watched silently, his heart breaking for his friend. She looked like some wounded animal trapped in the woods and crying out and no matter how hard he tried it wasn't enough to save her from her pain._

_"Jesse's makin' dinner would you like something to eat?" he offered hoping she'd agree as he hadn't seen her eat in two days._

_Shalimar remained silent, the offer not stirring anything inside her and she couldn't care less about food right now. If she needed anything at all she'd just lean over to her multi colored water bottle, a gift from her beloved Emma, and help herself to a drink, if for no other reason than for ammo for all the tears she would be sure to cry out soon after._

_Brennan sat still for a few moments hoping his presence would ease the feral but he was perceptive enough to realize she just wanted to be left alone right now not that that was any different from her usual routine these last few days. _

_Standing he took one last lingering look at her and headed for the door. He'd come back in to check on her in a while and offer any comfort if she'd have it but knew it wasn't best to push too much in her highly fragile state. _

_"I'll save you a plate," he said, taping his fingers softly on the door before closing it, entombing the feral with her misery once again._


	12. Prisoner

12

Prisoner

"Let's make this fast, Adam," Shalimar ordered as she made her way into the lab. He could see by her less than relaxed posture she wasn't the least bit eager for her appointment.

"Shalimar, nice to see you too," Adam replied, the slight hint of sarcasm in his voice not making the moment any more exciting for the feral.

Sitting herself in the chair with a sigh, Shalimar prepared herself for Adam's tests and remained as still as she could being anything but new to the ordeal. She was never one to love having tests run on her. It must've been her feral side that hated the whole lying still part or the fact someone else was examining her. She used to feel like some house cat on a trip to the vet but now she just brushed it off and cooperated to make the time go by as fast as possible. But it was harder for her to relax now, especially with Emma being here. She'd have no problem lying still and relaxing if she were still in the psionic's comforting arms. There she never felt like a test subject or eager to leave. If anything she never wanted to leave her and to leave her for this was even more annoying.

Adam looked her over, his smart eyes not fooled by her front.

"I know you don't wanna be here, Shalimar, but I think this is important," he tried to ease the experience for her but she would have none of it.

"Just hurry up, Adam, I have things to do."

Adam sighed and began to get to work. Since he'd been staying back at Sanctuary, well their Sanctuary, it had taken enough time for things to return to somewhat normal or as normal as a house full of mutants could be and he certainly knew better than to test the waters with Shalimar, especially in her current emotional state.

After a few minutes of checking the feral Adam knew he was almost done and remembered he didn't want her to leave without hearing his other suggestions.

"You know, Shalimar, I was thinking maybe you should talk to someone. It might make you feel better."

Shalimar's eyebrows came together in confusion at what he was suggesting.

"What are you talking about?" she asked turning her head for a moment but quickly moving it back as another red scanning line was moving up her neck.

"I'm talking about you getting help for the state you're in. I'm concerned it might not be healthy for your mind."

Shalimar couldn't believe her ears. Was he actually trying to say he considered her crazy or mentally unstable?

"What?"

"I think you should see a professional. Now I know quite a few doctors who specialize in helping mutants and I think it would be good for you."

"Adam, if I want someone to talk to I have Emma okay and I have the rest of my friends as well."

"Well that doesn't help very much when you keep everyone at a distance now does it?"

"It's complicated right now, Adam," was all she could explain knowing he wouldn't understand anymore if she tried to further and would probably only make him more worried about her than he already seemed to be and that certainly wouldn't get him off her back.

"Shalimar, I'm concerned about you. As tough as you've always been I think you need to admit you're going through something right now that-"

"Are you done?" she asked sitting up before he could answer.

"Shalimar, creating a clone of Emma has clearly affected your mentality and I think even before that you-"

"It's not what you think, Adam. I know what I'm doing and a little trust would be helpful right now."

"I don't think creating her was the best idea."

"Ya know the 'why clones aren't a good idea' speech really doesn't sell coming from you, Adam."

The statement hit a little more home than he wanted and he couldn't help but notice the snippiness in her voice and regret that the conversation had taken a turn he'd hoped it wouldn't.

"I have things to do," she informed standing and treating herself to a little stretch. All she wanted right now was to rest somewhere she wouldn't be judged and the first thing to come to her mind was being back in Emma's arms. That was usually the first thing to come to her mind in any situation actually and she'd become more and more aware of that.

As if on cue Emma was walking into the lab brightening it up as soon as she passed through the door. The feral's eyes took on a shine of their own at the sight and Emma smiled as she walked over to her friend.

"Hey," the psionic simply greeted. "How is everything?"

Shalimar sighed not wanting to bother the psionic with everything she'd been going through and returned the pleasing smile, reaching out to rest a hand on Emma's shoulder. The long sleeved black v necked shirt was soft under the feral's fingers but she knew it couldn't hold a candle to skin on the psionic herself.

"Hey," she replied. "Fine. What are you doing out here?"

"Well, I guess you forgot to lock my cage," Emma joked but somehow the statement hit a nerve in the feral bringing instant regret to the psionic for having made it. "I was hoping we could do something today."

"Like what?"

"I don't know maybe you could take me somewhere fun. I was remembering some of the fun we used to have and it kinda sparked some of my desires."

"You mean leave Sanctuary?"

Adam looked over to them at the question. He'd been listening the entire time but the thought of Emma leaving Sanctuary was more than enough to get his full attention.

"Yeah why not?" Emma asked.

"Do you think that's a good idea I mean you've only been home a day why don't you take some time to adjust?"

"I will and I can but we can still go out and have fun while I'm adjusting can't we?"

"I don't think it's a good idea," the feral protested running her palm down Emma's sleeved arm hoping not to sound too bossy but somehow it seemed like a false gesture to the psionic.

"Why not? Shal, I don't wanna stay cooped up in Sanctuary all day. I just wanna…be like I was," she pleaded sympathetically.

"You will," Shalimar assured stepping closer and resting both hands on the psionic's shoulders. "It's just not the right time yet."

Emma sighed in annoyance, disappointment setting in to her pretty features, and Shalimar wanted nothing more than to ease her feelings.

"Shalimar, am I your prisoner?"

"What? Of course not how could ask me that?"

"Because you don't want me to leave the room and now you don't want me to leave Sanctuary I mean why did you even bring me here then? Just so you could use me to help you with your problems but forget that I'm a human being. I wanna have some fun and feel like, like Emma."

"It's not safe for you out there, Emma," Adam intervened and for once Shalimar was happy he did so. "People think you're dead and there's a rise in mutant gang build up. Brennan, Lexa, and Jesse are going to check it out today and until we know more I think it's best you stay here."

"A mission? I'm a psionic, Adam, I can help them get information," she suggested with only the feeling she wanted to be one of the team, the thoughts of old times stirring inside her.

"It's too risky." He shook his head. "This is a strictly recon mission they're going to observe and find out what's going on. I think you and Shalimar should stay home."

Emma huffed and pulled herself free from the feral, feelings of uncertainty and misplacement sending her almost running from the room. Slouching as she reentered the bedroom she sat on the foot of the feral's bed. Shalimar was right behind her and closed the door after the psionic stormed into the room and sat herself next to her friend.

"Emma," Shalimar spoke softly, wrapping her arm around the psionic's shoulder and pulling her closer to her own body. "I'm sorry but I just wanna look out for you. I don't want anything to happen to you out there."

"So I am a prisoner."

"No. You're my friend and I promise we'll go out and have some fun ok. Just not today. I want you to rest."  
"I've been here for a day and already I feel like I'm cut off from the rest of the world. Maybe it's 'cause I don't belong here."

Emma sighed heavily feeling saddened by the feral's refusal to take some time away from Sanctuary and her denial would only add to Emma's feelings of being unwelcome.

"Emma, don't talk like that. You know that's not true. This is where you've always and will always belong," she encouraged, unable to emphasize it enough.

"Not anymore. At least it doesn't feel that way to me. I wanna be somewhere I feel welcome. I want us to go out and have a good time together. I don't wanna go stir crazy in here."

Shalimar's hands began a gentle loving sensation across the psionic's shoulders and down her back and as hard as she tried to remain upset Emma couldn't help but give in to the feral's loving embrace. She always made everything better and now was no exception.

Emma smiled and closed her eyes allowing Shalimar's hands to take her further into serenity. It felt so nice and comforting she didn't even realize she'd unknowingly let out a soft moan of pleasure as Shalimar's hands were caressing her lower back.

Soon soft feral fingers had found their way underneath the psionic's top and were rubbing circles on the bare skin of her grateful back. Emma arched her body in deep appreciation at the gesture encouraging the feral to continue.

It'd been way too long since the feral had touched the psionic and she wasn't about to cease her actions as she ran her fingers up the psionic's back counting every bone she passed over. When she reached Emma's neck she weaved her fingers through the silky hair hanging there and massaged the base of Emma's neck. The psionic's muscles tensed and then relaxed under the feral's strong hands, the balls of her fingers sending sensational pulses through her body with every touch.

Another sigh escaped the psionic's lips and she flung her hair over her shoulder so the feral could get a better view of what she was doing. Her head hung at the pleasure Shalimar was providing her with and the feral lifted another hand to assist her with her task. Resting both hands on Emma's skin brought a sigh from the feral herself and she breathed in deeply taking in the scent of red hair draped across the back of her palm while she continued to rub the petite neck before her. The smell of a flower garden, a breeze, and bright sunny days radiated off her and Shalimar smiled whole heartedly.

A few moments of pleasure passed enrapturing the psionic but much to her surprise she was beginning to feel queasy. Hoping it would pass she ignored the feeling in the pit of her stomach and tried to concentrate only on Shalimar's kind hands and the warmth of her flesh on the back of her neck.

The sea sick feeling in the psionic's stomach was beginning to increase, tumbling around inside her like a boat aboard a rough sea, and Emma could hardly ignore it any longer. Reluctantly pulling herself free from Shalimar's grasp she stood up from the bed instantly realizing what a bad idea that was as it only heightened her nausea.

"Emma, what is it?"

"I…I don't feel so hot. I think I'm gonna…"

Emma ran from the room before she could finish and Shalimar could hear her in the bathroom and quickly jumped from the bed to help her friend.


	13. Links

13

Links

Emma lie on her back in bed trying as hard as she could to relax but finding it much harder than expected. Her nausea was coming and going and now to accompany it was a throbbing headache. This definitely wasn't the best day for her though it was difficult for her to remember too many better or too many at all for that matter but even if she could she was sure this was one of the worst.

Lying beside the psionic Shalimar stoked the red strands flowing onto the bed in the small space between them letting the silk play between her fingers.

"How ya feelin', sweetie?"

"Like hell," Emma answered, her words practically an understatement, but she had to admit just the sight of the feral did a little to improve her feelings. A little, that is, not nearly enough to demolish all the pain and her frowning face remained frozen on her soft face breaking the feral's heart more with every second.

Shalimar frowned sadly and lifted her hand to Emma's stomach to rub her gently hoping to take away her pain. She knew if she had to option she'd take on all of Emma's pain to free her from it and at that moment wished she had that power instead of being a feral.

The sweet sensation of Shalimar's rubbing on her stomach seemed to ease her discomfort at first but all too quickly her nausea was turning her insides upside down again. Lifting her arm she gently took Shalimar's hand and removed it from her body, the action only adding to Shalimar's sadness.

Sighing, Shalimar sat herself up and stood from the bed.

"I'll go get you some pills ok and tell Adam to take a look at you."

"No, I'll be fine. It's just a little nausea," Emma insisted, a little too quickly Shalimar thought. The last thing Emma needed right now was another session of lab rat which she highly doubted would make her feel any better. She was sure a little rest and relaxation would do a wonder even Adam's med scans couldn't produce her with.

"I'll be right back," Shalimar informed and left the room closing the door behind her.

As much as Emma appreciated Shalimar watching out for her she couldn't help but feel like a child under her watch and guard and all she wanted to do was break free, with Shalimar at her side of course. One movie, one lunch together, one hour shopping at the mall was that really too much to ask? She didn't think so. There was a whole world out there she felt more than ignorant to and as much as she didn't like the fact it still continued to bug her.

She lie flat on her back against the soft comforter trying to move herself into the most comfortable position she could find. She knew it would be much more comfortable if Shalimar was there but for now the quilt itself would just have to do.

Closing her eyes she smiled at allowing herself a moments peace. She breathed in deeply the silence and serenity around her. Closed eyes starred at the blank backs of eyelids until an image began to form. Emma thought it merely her imagination at first but it came again, and then another, and another, until an entire room was before her. She looked around the unknown place and couldn't recognize it but she knew she must've been there at some point.

The room was empty, cold, and she could hear distant echoes of an indistinguishable nature coming from somewhere around her. She looked over everything her eyes fell upon wanting to memorize every detail so she could describe it to Shalimar later. It was so real, she marveled. She felt like she could reach out and touch the tables and the sky blue walls if she tried. She could feel her presence connected to this place and her curiosity was greatly getting the best of her as she only wanted to uncover the hidden moments in her unknown past.

Continuing to make her way down through the room a familiar sound caught her attention and she approached the door across the way. Thankful it was open as she wasn't sure if she could in fact reach out and turn it, she stepped through the open passageway and began to inspect the new laboratory type room she'd entered. Feelings hit her suddenly and she tried to fight them off and continue walking but pain quickly accompanied the frightened waves rushing through her body. She trembled, almost tumbling over at the pain splitting her sides, and then she heard it. Screaming, a woman was screaming in the distance. Emma knew the pain she was going through was that no one deserved and she rushed to the end of the room eyeing another door and wanting to see what was happening to the woman she felt such a strong connection to that she couldn't ignore it even for her own safety.

Before she could reach the door in her sights Emma fell to the ground as the pain was much more intense now. She cried out in union with the stranger and watched as small cuts and bruises appeared on her own arms, blood accompanying the pain building up by the second. Her whole body felt numb now. She wanted to run to the woman, to end her pain, both of their pain, but she couldn't pull herself up from her position on the cold floor. She breathed heavier and felt her heart weighting at least twice its normal weight, too much for her to carry, and she knew this woman's pain was not only physical but emotionally paralyzing as well. Paralyzing to say the least that is.

Shalimar strode past the lab on her way to the kitchen hoping Adam would leave her alone but soon finding her hopes in no such luck as he called out to her figure as it rushed by the doorway.

"What?" she asked flatly, placing herself in the door frame.

"How is she?"

"How do you think she is?"

"Shalimar, I want you to keep a close eye on her."

"I am," she assured.

"Good. I'm gonna run these tests and I'll get back to you with the results as soon as I can, Adam informed. He really wanted to take her in the room and have a good long talk with her about all the reasons he felt she needed help but knew although he considered her a close friend this was not his home, not his Sanctuary, and he was already finding himself falling back into old habits and thus far the team was going along with it for the most past but he certainly didn't want to push the thin fabric of trust at the moment.

"Thanks."

She offered him a smile knowing he was only trying to help and the truth of the matter was she was more than grateful for that which she seemed to remember every time she spoke with him recently.

Showing herself away she heading into the kitchen and rounded up a few pain killers for her friend, pulling a water bottle from the fridge for her to wash it down with. As she looked over the white container in her hand she passed on it, sliding it back into the cold box and reached up into the cabinet overhead to remove an interesting looking multi colored one instead and filled it with the water from a large container in the fridge.

Shalimar smiled in content and began to head back to her room hoping her remedy would cure what ailed her friend.

As she neared the hallway leading to her bed chambers Shalimar caught glimpse of Lexa heading her way and sighed sure she wasn't up for anything the brunette would have to say at the moment.

"Hey," the molecular greeted unexpectedly and Shalimar forced a smile in return. "What are ya doin'?"

"Just getting some water for Emma."

"Oh. Look, Shal, I was hoping we could talk about-"

"Lexa, could we just not do this now?" Shalimar asked in a sigh turning her head to show how much she wasn't in the mood for it. Couldn't she take a hint? Sometimes the feral was sure she could she just didn't care enough to pay attention to all the signs, something she'd always disliked about the molecular yet oddly enough on a different note did enjoy.

"Shalimar, I just wanna help," Lexa answered in her best sympathetic voice but her words were somehow less than convincing and Shalimar brushed them off in favor of better things to do.

"Help who?" she quizzed.

"Help you. What has been going on with you lately? You hardly ever come on missions with us, you stay in your room from morning to dusk sometimes, the only person you talk to is a clone, and you don't seem the least bit interested in work anymore."

"Ok you wanna lay off me here? I don't attack you with your faults so why don't you leave mine alone alright."

Shalimar rolled her eyes in frustration at the woman and pushed herself past her to continue on down the hall. Somewhere deep inside she was upset with herself for keeping her friends at arms length recently but even deeper than that she knew she couldn't pour out everything she was feeling just yet and hoped when the time was right they'd understand. At least she was almost sure Emma would and that was all that really mattered most to her anyway.

She smiled as her bedroom door came into sight, but the smile quickly faded when Emma's screaming came to her ears and she ran across the ten feet separating her from the door and burst into the room, the copper scent of blood filling her nose and worrying her heart. Instantly she was by the psionic's side as she shook and twitched in bed the actions seemingly out of her control.

"Emma, wake up!" she yelled placing the bottle on the floor and bringing her hand up to Emma's forehead. Her other free hand lifted itself to Emma's arms which were jumping around and she reached across the woman's torso in an attempt to hold her still. Blood and sweat ran down Emma's shapely arms and Shalimar had to tighten her grip to keep Emma in place.

"Emma!" she called again trying to snap the woman out of whatever nightmare she was entangled in.  
"Emma! Emma, wake up!"

Shalimar shook the psionic harder as she screamed, icy blue eyes shooting open in shock and pain, breaking the feral's heart at the mere sight.

"Emma, calm down, it's ok," the feral informed loosening her hold on her friend. "You're ok. It was just a nightmare."

Emma took a few deep breaths to get her breathing straight and sat herself up.

Shalimar lifted the water bottle and handed it to the dehydrated looking red head who gratefully sipped the much needed H2O. Shalimar handed the psionic the painkillers and Emma happily took them praying they would do their job.

Shalimar helped herself onto the bed to sit beside the psionic and wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders and began to dab the towel on the nightstand against Emma's fresh wounds gently as to reduce the pain of pressure on her fragile skin.

"What happened?" she asked curious how Emma could have gotten cuts and bruises so quickly in her absence. It would appear she'd spent the last five minutes in a boxing arena instead of in the comfort of her bed.

"It wasn't a dream," Emma informed turning those sad eyes to Shalimar's beside her. "It was real. I thought it might've been a memory but…I don't know. It didn't seem to feel like it was in the past."

"What do you mean?"

"It felt like it was now. Like I was experiencing it all now. Shalimar, it was awful. A woman was being tortured. There were others too. I don't know how I know but I do. I think this was a place I've been before."

"What did it look like?"

"Here, I'll show you," Emma answered sending a small psi blast to Shalimar's forehead showing her the setting of her recent "mind attack".

Shalimar thought for a moment but didn't have any better luck then Emma had at identifying the scenery.

"I don't know. I've never seen that place before."

"So it's not a memory from you?"

"No. I don't know what that is," Shalimar replied as dumbfounded as the psionic herself.

"So if it's not a memory then where'd it come from?"

"Did you fall asleep while I was gone?" Shalimar asked puzzled herself as to the mysterious events.

"No. I wasn't sleeping I was awake. It wasn't a dream it was like…like someone planted the image inside my mind or something. I was here in your bed and then suddenly I was there and I could feel everything. I think there are some people who need our help," Emma informed lifting her eyes to the ferals, her bright gems revealing how deeply concerned with the pain of the situation she'd mysteriously been introduced to. She'd always enjoyed helping people but somehow this felt different to her, more like a duty than just a desire, and one she couldn't ignore at that.

"Well, right now I'm more concerned about you. I think I'm gonna have Adam take another look at you," Shalimar said not wanting to take any chances with Emma, something she'd mistakenly done a little too much in the past in her opinion. She caught the questioning look on Emma's face and concluded, "It's for the best, Emma. I mean how do you get all cut up just lying in bed alone for five minutes?"

"I don't know," Emma responded softly.

"Well, let's get you in the lab and fix you up properly ok," Shalimar suggested and stood from the comfort of her mattress.

Taking the feral's outstretched hand Emma was pulled to her feet and escorted to the door.

Shalimar could pick up on the confusion swirling around inside the psionic and could only imagine how she must possibly be feeling. She'd been through more than her share for one day and one lifetime and that was something they had in common.

"Everything will be ok, sweetie," Shalimar convinced as she lead the psionic out the door and down the hall.


	14. Too Much To Ask

14

Too Much To Ask

_Jesse sat uncomfortably on the living room couch staring blankly at the chessboard in front of him. His concentration was deep and focused on Shalimar. So focused in fact that he didn't even hear the clicking of heels as they approached at a steady pace from behind._

_"No wonder you're no good at chess," Lexa's voice beamed from behind him. "You get that stumped just playing by yourself."_

_Jesse gave her a half turn of his head and she followed the couch around the take the empty seat next to him placing a gentle hand on his jeaned thigh._

_"Penny for your thoughts?" she inquired as it was more than obvious he was troubled to say the least about something. _

_Not like that was anything new though. It might have been new to Lexa as she barely knew any of the team yet but Jesse had always been very obvious and readable with his emotions, his boyishness giving him away easier most of the time. Actually, Lexa had to admit she found it quite cute. _

_"I was just thinkin' about Shal," he informed ceasing to allow his gaze to meet with her own. _

_"She's been acting pretty normal recently."_

_"No, she hasn't been. I know it seems like it but…I know there's more going on that she's not saying."_

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_"Because I've known Shalimar for a long time. She doesn't just get over things so quickly. She's more sensitive than that. More than she'd like to admit."_

_"Well, she seems like a tough girl I'm sure she'll be ok."_

_Jesse remained silent knowing this woman couldn't possible understand the delicate nature of his closest friend and not really feeling the need to try and explain it to her either. _

_"I think I'm just gonna go," he said standing from the couch and patting his thighs as he rose. _

_Lexa tried to hide the frown which spread across her face. The last thing she wanted was upset him. Of all the Mutant X members, well all three of them anyways, she'd met since arriving at Sanctuary she actually hoped to get to know Jesse more than anyone else._

_Jesse made his way across the room and Lexa twisted in her seat debating whether or not to try and say something._

_"Hey, I'm sorry if I-"_

_"It's ok," the blonde interrupted, keeping his back to her. _

_Without another word he was gone and Lexa sighed sitting herself fully back into the couch which oddly enough suddenly felt anything but comfortable._

_Shalimar lie curled up in a ball against her soft, purple pillow. Well, originally it was Emma's pillow. She used to bring it in with her on those nights they'd have a slumber party type get together in her bedroom and Shalimar had kept it on her bed every night since she'd been gone. It gave her a sense the psionic was still there with her. At least it was supposed to. Every time she looked at it, touched it, smelt it, all she could do was miss her friend more and that was hardly helping her cause any. She had tried to convince herself countless mornings when she awoke to the object beside her in bed that Emma was still there with her and had just stepped out to go to the bathroom or grab a quick breakfast. But it never worked. Her heart wasn't fooled that easily by far and she wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Comforting the pillow was, but stinging pain it also carried. But at the same time she couldn't bare to part with it. Couldn't bare to part with many of Emma's things she'd snatched from the psionic's room and horded into her own closet like some love struck or grief stricken packrat. Shoes, outfits, necklaces, jewelry, candles, a blanket, a couple towels, some of Emma's old childhood objects, a couple of the smaller pillows Emma had always kept out on her bed, journals, photo albums, a couple statues, CD's, and the white teddy bear with the heart across its chest she'd given the psionic remained seated in the center of her bed, almost as if watching over her. She even kept a couple pairs of Emma's socks. Once or twice she'd found herself sleeping in Emma's night pants or wearing and cuddling into one of her tank tops desperately trying to get as close to her as possible, trying to cling to the bits of psionic that still remained upon them. It was almost like she was sharing a room with the woman though she kept most of her things hidden as they were only constant reminders of her inner most turmoil's. Shalimar just couldn't give away those things even to Emma's friends. It was painful enough losing the woman but to let her earthly possessions fade away too seemed too much to ask. _

_Emma was alive, was there in Sanctuary, in her own room, and Shalimar couldn't bare to just let that all be gone. She had to keep as much of her around as possible. It wasn't too hard since she hardly left her room anymore. Sure she'd go out on missions and make the same movements she always had, lying to her friends about her secret struggles. Having needed to master the fine art of lying long ago it wasn't too difficult for her to accomplish. Not like any of them could see into her soul or even how she was truly feeling. Not like any of them were psionic's. _

_Psionics, she thought. Funny how it always came back to that word wasn't it? Emma always knew when something was wrong. Always knew what to say. How many times had she walked over to the grieving or upset feral and managed to comfort her wounds with just her words? How many heart to hearts had they shared? Nearly one at least after every mission not to mention all the connections they shared just on a daily basis. Shalimar knew it wasn't merely the fact that Emma was one of those psionics either but something deeper. At least, she hoped it was, and she probably would've found out if she hadn't gone to Naxcon that day and Emma and Adam hadn't…she stopped herself, the beaten path her heart was beginning to take was just that, beaten, and she couldn't stroll down that memory lane again right now. It was far too rocky. But maybe if she made it to that night she would've heard what she'd been dying to for so long. Maybe, that is. Not like she could find out now._

_But the lying was getting to her. As good as she was at hiding it when it came right down to the line she couldn't lie to her own heart, never could, unfortunate as it was. It hurt too great and she was like a worm on a hook, dying more every second as she sank deeper and deeper into the icy waters. The more she wiggled about and tried to break free the quicker it seemed to occur. The more evident her fate became. And she was helpless to stop what lie ahead but she couldn't face what wasn't there anymore. Couldn't play her part any longer. The lines choked her up and the lying broke her heart. What was left of it anyway. The remaining shards she was still clinging to desperately praying it was just enough to…stay alive. No, it was too much to ask._

_Everyday had been winter since Emma had died. She'd noticed the unwavering coldness soon after, settling over her wounded heart like a rain cloud. Coldness which refused to move on but she could relate. The birds refused to sing and the sun refused to shine. There were no more gentle breezes and the wind shook violently when it passed her, as if trying to shake free the remaining hold on her sanity she was clinging to. The never ending night had set in and winter's icy clutches had sunk their claws deep, making their permanent home all around her as well in the depths of her frozen heart. Had she even felt it beat since that day? No. At least she couldn't recall one._

_Yet somehow she managed to carry on, on the outside anyway. During her days her friends watched her, battling mutants or whatever else was the dilemma that week. But come that familiar nighttime feeling and it was much different through the feral's eyes. Come the dusk the sun went down and her angst awoke, and she found she was facing much harder struggles, where battling mutants seemed almost welcoming instead of battling for her life like she was when the sun was gone._

_Well, when the day was dimmer that is since the sun in her world had gone on permanent strike the fateful day Emma was departed from her. And on those slim occasions it did shine it was only slightly, dimly, at least through her eyes, and she resented it. How dare it rise and shine when Emma was gone and would no longer do the same? How arrogant to think this world would still turn without her. Her world was driven to a sudden halt that day and she resented the rest of the world for having the nerve to spin as if nothing had happened. Yes, she resented the world for not ending when Emma had. _

_Walking down the hall Jesse could feel his feral friends pain almost guiding him to her, calling out loud, an almost deafening sound echoing through Sanctuary's halls as well as every fiber of his own being and he fought to fight through the angst in the atmosphere she was generating._

_Turning into the feral's doorway he almost felt the need to cover his own heart with his hand before entering, closing the door behind him. Shalimar's punch had knocked him over before but this was ten times worse. The pain in her heart was so great even he was nearly bowled over by it just standing in the same room with her._

_The air seemed thicker in Shalimar's room than the hall. Perhaps the weight of her pain was making it less appealing to him as he inched his way over to her like she was some trembling child he had to gain the trust of._

_"Shal," he spoke softly yet loud enough he would be certain she'd hear. _

_She kept still in her position on the bed though she did indeed hear the molecular. She hated letting anyone see her like this but couldn't find the strength to cease her sorrow at the moment and it made her feel helpless, a feeling she hated even more. She wasn't crying really, but tears were still only slightly dry on her reddened face._

_"Hey, Shal," the man called again, approaching her bedside and sitting himself down, still being sure to move carefully in his actions._

_She didn't answer. Not because she wanted to be rude, but all the memories she'd been going over in her head had brought such pain to her heart that her throat hurt too much to speak at the moment, to even breath. _

_Jesse looked down at her. Her arms were wrapped around Emma's pillow like a life raft and her knees together and brought up to it as well. She looked like a child who'd just lost their mother and Jesse couldn't recall a time he'd ever seen her look more hurt than at that moment and the displayed pain on her face was more than enough to chill his own heart._

_He reached out, brushing a large strand of blonde hair from her hidden face. It was at that time he could tell she'd been crying earlier. Why did she put herself through this charade everyday, he asked himself, and no answers seemed worthy in his mind but he knew Shalimar had her reasons. Unvoiced reasons that is. In the last month or so it had been since Emma's passing he'd come to notice the unsettling pattern in his friend and it only worried him more with each coming day._

_Jesse reached out again aiming to take her hand which lie across the top of the purple pillowcase and the gesture got a reaction from the feral. Her eyes flickered to his hand as it moved closer to her own as if it were some sort of lifeline intent on rescuing her but she knew it was no use. Her heart was already too deeply emerged in the ever sinking quicksand to be pulled out now no matter how hard he might tug._

_"Shalimar, I was wondering if-"_

_"I don't wanna talk, Jesse," she answered instantly yet non harshly and he almost looked a little taken off guard like one of those rodents who thinks the snake's dead and then suddenly it springs into action. Only Shalimar didn't spring into action. Instead she seemed perfectly content to lie on her bed engulfed in her pain._

_"Alright then at least come out to a movie with us," he pleaded trying harder to break the feral free from the bonds of torture which held her so securely even he couldn't phase them off. _

_A movie, she thought. That was the last thing she needed right now. If she needed to see anything fake with false feelings she didn't have to look any farther than her own life, such as it had become, to find it. She was acting everyday. The people in that movie should take a look at her performance. At how she still managed to carry herself on a broken heart. Even she wasn't sure how she could do it. The only justification she had was sometimes your body was dead but your brain waves were still active, refusing to give up, still clinging desperately to what they once had. Her heart was no different she'd realized. It might've been killed but it still reached out sometimes seeking its desires, what little still remained. That's how she saw herself. Dead inside. Just a shell of the woman she used to be._

_"Come on, Shal, it's a nice day. We're thinkin' of goin' to the beach after you can catch some sun or something."_

_Good thing he wasn't a lawyer, she thought, as his pleading was only lessening her desires for agreeing with him, since getting some sun was also on that list of last things she needed. She certainly didn't need to stand in that sunlight letting the reality hit her like a ton of bricks. It was doing a fine job already in her own bedroom and would do an even better one on its own turf. And the beach of all places. A place she and Emma loved to go to and get away. No, that was too much to ask too. She hadn't set foot on that beach since she'd been in the psionic's company and no way was she about to step onto that battlefield with no armor for her broken heart._

_"Shal, I think a little daylight would be good for you," his voice came again._

_Sunlight would be good for her? Yeah, maybe in the same way it would be beneficial to a vampire. She could relate after all. She had hardly felt her own soul in ages. She wouldn't even know it was still there if it didn't ache as deeply as it did. If she couldn't feel the cuts and scars scattered all over it, some only deepening with each passing day. And daylight. Daylight only gave the dooming process a helping hand; a booster shot. No, that was hardly what she needed to say the least. It was just too much to ask of her fragile soul and tattered heart._

_Shalimar could feel herself actually getting madder. She knew he only wanted to help but it was like pouring salt into her open wound. She was lying there bleeding and he was standing above her with a gallon of salt letting it drip into her open flesh. How could he suggest she go out and 'soak up the sun'? He should know better than that. She hadn't soaked up the sun in a long time. And when she did go out she would "hide" from it if anything; avoiding it as much as she could and turned away from the rays like a vampire fearing for its life, what little she considered herself to have left that is. _

_A mission to save anyone else for any other mutant made or man made disasters was one thing. She was helping the living, but to go out and pretend to be one of them, could she handle that now? She didn't think so. Sure she might be able to take a few nights of it a week, might be able to drown those broken heart shards with alcohol for a little while but it was never enough and it never lasted. They always sunk back down to the pit of her stomach, slicing deeply along the way. She'd already had more than her share of fake fun this week and today staying in bed seemed the only thing to do._

_Shalimar felt herself on the verge of tears again and she sat herself up, locking sad eyes with Jesse's sympathetic own, the dark circles under her eyes telling a story she'd hoped to keep hidden. She was thankful she'd been on the bed, otherwise the endless supply of tears she'd shed recently would surly have drown her long ago if not soaked up by the forgiving mattress._

_Jesse reached out to embrace the blonde, pulling her tightly into his own body, and for once Shalimar felt some warmth._

_"You need to come out, Shal. You need to let yourself feel. I know this is hard for you and I know you don't want to but you have to," he tried his case again hoping she'd accept it._

_"I can't today," she softly acknowledged as if she had no say in the matter what so ever but Jesse knew better. He knew her willpower was far greater than she was giving herself credit for._

_"Yes you can, Shal. I know you can. I've seen you before. You can't let yourself get like this anymore. You need to stop."_

_Shalimar pulled herself free from him at the words and she almost appeared to be considering his plea for a moment. Deep down she did want to go to the beach. She did want to smile, to laugh, and to have a good time, but sometimes when she let reality hit her like this things just became too hard even for her. And now was one of those times._

_"I know you need to enjoy yourself, Shal, and I know you can. I've seen you since…" he stopped himself knowing that was the last thing her fragile ears and heart needed at the moment. "Don't let yourself get so wrapped up in the pain, Shal. Come out with us. I know it's hard for you everyday and I know what you go through when you're alone sometimes. It's best you're among friends right now if you're feeling like this; do things you love doing."_

_Things she loved doing, she reiterated in her own head and it seemed to echo through her tortured mind. She'd done some of those things but now that Emma wasn't there she didn't seem to be able to reach the same heights of happiness she had when the psionic was around. So what was the point? Sure they made her feel good sometimes but she knew there was more. Knew she was capable of more. And she also knew only Emma was the one who could bring it out of her. She couldn't find the desire to only be half content at the moment._

_"I think I'm just gonna take a shower," she finally answered, standing from the tear dampened bed and heading for the door._

_A shower. Like somehow standing under lukewarm water would wash away all the hurt she was drowning in. There wasn't enough water in the world for that by far. She could never cleanse herself of this pain and truthfully she didn't want to. Not fully anyways. Inside she knew she would never truly "move on". She'd never be ok with Emma being gone and that was a fact. The only problem was she didn't know how to deal with living with her gone. Living. That was the key word. That was what she was missing. No matter what she did she wasn't living. Hadn't been since Emma was there. It wasn't that she wanted to forget about her friend, not that she ever could. She wanted to keep her memory as close as she could until Emma was almost a part of her yet somehow be able to function the way she used to. At least as close to that as she'd be able to get, but she just didn't know how. She didn't know how to feel and being Shalimar made that more difficult for her along with the fact she was a feral made it difficult for her. _

_As quickly as she had stood the feral was gone leaving a sad Jesse alone on the bed with the heavy sigh that escaped his lips. He hoped one day she'd be alright. Hoped one day she'd be able to get through a month without having quite a few long nights cries. Hoped one day she'd be herself again. Not the herself he'd known before she'd met Emma but the feral he'd known when Emma was with them. The feral he saw then which he considered to be the happiest feral in the world. That was the woman, the friend, he missed more every day. That was the woman he wanted to see, to talk to, to spend time at the beach with. The true Shalimar with smiling eyes and a healthy and complete heart. That was the Shalimar he wanted home again. But that seemed too much to ask._


	15. Walls

15

Walls

Adam looked up as Shalimar and Emma walked into the lab. Already he could tell something wasn't quite right and he showed himself over to meet them halfway across the room.

"Adam, you think you could take a look at Emma, run some tests on her?" Shalimar asked, escorting the psionic into the chair. "She's been feelin' kinda sick lately."

Emma sighed as she slid herself down fully into the comfortable seat, still clinging to the ferals arm even when seated.

Adam picked up his observation light and began to inspect the psionic's eyes carefully.

"What's the trouble, Emma?"

"I'm nauseous," she explained finally forced to remove her handle on Shalimar's arm as Adam looked her over though grateful the feral wasn't about to stray too far from her. "Not all the time though, and I feel lightheaded and achy. Also, I've been getting these tension headaches and aches, pains, and cramps."

"Hmm, sounds like a bug. I'll run some tests, see what comes up," he assured, stepping back to head over to the computer.

"I'll be right back," Shalimar suddenly informed, reaching out to grace the psionics arm with a comforting caress. "You'll be ok here."

Shalimar smiled as she began to head out of the lab and Emma offered her own half smile as she watched the back of the blonde depart from the room.

As she headed back to her room, Shalimar began to sense a presence getting closer to her on her way down the hall and realized just as she turned the corner it was in fact Lexa making her own way down the hall straight towards her.

Shalimar sighed and continued walking hoping if she didn't stop maybe Lexa wouldn't either and she was relieved when she managed to reach her room without any interruption from the woman. Relieved only for a moment that is, until Lexa's scent caught her attention and she turned to find the molecular standing in her doorway with what Shalimar interpreted as a judgmental look. And boy did she hate being silently judged.

"Are you busy?" Lexa asked when Shalimar failed to acknowledge her and shuffled through her closet.

"Depends. Do you wanna talk or criticize?"

Lexa tried not to take the statement personally knowing it was just Shalimar's way of shooting up her walls whenever she wasn't in the mood for a heart to heart. Almost as if she was being fired upon and had to get the defenses up as quickly as possible to save the shards of her heart from any further pain.

"I want you to tell me what's going on with you," Lexa informed stepping herself into the middle of the feral's room and crossing her arms as if she was determined to hold her ground.

"What do you mean?" Shalimar asked quickly as if to dodge and pass off the question she really didn't feel like answering in the first place.

"Come on, Shal, you know you can trust me. You've confided a lot in me and I don't know what I did or what you think I did that put an end to that but I want you to get over it. I'm your friend and I just wanna help."

"Well, I just want everyone to stop telling me they just wanna help. Guess we're both outta luck."

Shalimar didn't even turn to look at the woman but instead kept her back to her as she continued hunting through her closet.

"Shal-"

"Look, I don't need any help, Lexa. What I need is to be trusted that I know what I'm doing. I'm fine."

"Fine?" Lexa repeated her tone clearly sarcastic and nonbelieving. "Fine for what, Shal? Starring as the poster girl for 'Melancholy of the Month' magazine?"

Shalimar hissed under her breath at the molecular's challenging words but only reiterated hoping her words might sink in if she spoke them enough. Sink in with Lexa and herself.

"I said I'm fine."

"Really? Then why did you make that clone?"

"I had to."

"Why? Weren't you depressed enough after the simulation? You know she's not the real Emma. Ok, I know she's Emma and all but somewhere inside you know she's not the Emma you knew. When that finally sinks in then what? Are you really prepared to deal with that again? Is that really what you want? A fake Emma walking and talking in Sanctuary everyday as a constant reminder the friend you had is gone?"

Shalimar was silent for a moment letting the words sink in and finally took another step towards the woman allowing herself to look her in the eyes for the first time in the conversation.

"Ok I know she might not be my first choice but right now she's all there is. She's all I have and I need to take what I can get right now. Until I can have what I really want she's all I need to help me get through this."

"How? How is she going to help you, Shal? I know you. I know you're going to be hurt and probably sooner than you think. I don't think you should do this to yourself. I don't think you should kill yourself like this."

Kill herself. The words struck the feral. How could she be killing herself when she already considered herself, in more ways than one, dead? She hadn't seen herself or felt herself truly alive since Emma, the real Emma, was around. But since having Emma, the clone Emma, back in her life it seemed less gloomy. Sure, it wasn't as bright as it was when Emma was walking those halls but it was something. And besides, she knew this was just for now. She had other plans which would make it all worth while. Until then she had to do something to keep going.

"I'm not killing myself, Lexa. If anything I'm keeping myself alive."

"What you mean that clone is your life support system or something?"

"Yes. She might not be my first choice but she's more than close enough and when you're in the dessert and you're dying, you have no water, you can't be picky. You'll take anything, any puddle until you can find your oasis."

"And that clone is your puddle?" Lexa asked hardly believing she was even making the weird analogy.

"Something like that. Not my first choice but it keeps me alive just a little longer."

"Oh pack your emotional baggage already, Shal. We're all here to help you, you don't need that clone. You don't need to carry all this by yourself."

Feeling through with her explanation Shalimar set the outfit she'd removed on the bed and left the room heading back to the lab.

Lexa was eager to follow as her conversation with the feral had only raised more questions.

"Shalimar, you can't ignore the truth. You're going to get hurt. Looking at it is going to start to hurt," Lexa reminded, a little louder than she should've as the two approached the lab and she followed the feral into the room stopping however to lean in the doorway.

Emma, who was a wonderful eavesdropper, looked up from the chair while trying to remain motionless and gave the molecular a look to signify she didn't much appreciate her tone.

"Can you please not call me 'it', I'm not a desk lamp," she informed, glaring at the brunette once more before turning her eyes back to Shalimar's, the one place she could always find love and understanding. The one place she felt secure, confident, welcome, wanted, and loved.

Shalimar moved beside the psionic, as close as she could get without being in the way of the scans Adam was running and let out a sigh before speaking.

"Emma, this is Lexa," she introduced. "She's another molecular. And, Lexa, this is Emma. She's a psionic. She was a member of Mutant X… has been a member for a couple years," Shalimar corrected herself stating the mostly obvious to each of them.

"Hi," Lexa finally answered, almost forced, and it was more than obvious to the intuitive psionic.

"Hi," Emma responded being sure not to smile when she said the words.

"Anyway, Shalimar," Lexa continued, "we're almost ready to head out on a recon mission. You in?"

Shalimar turned to Emma in a pause as if she had to ask permission and truthfully Emma didn't want the feral to leave but wouldn't think of asking her to stay on her account.

"I think I'm gonna stick around here a little longer," Shalimar informed noticing the vague smile on Emma's face at her words.

"Alright, Emma, I'll look over the results of your med scans and get back to you shortly," Adam informed and Emma hopped up from her seat as soon as he was through with his sentence, more than relieved to leave the lab and equally Lexa's presence.

"Why don't you come lie back down," Shalimar suggested, the idea sounding more than appealing to the achy psionic who nodded and followed the feral happily from the room.

"So," Lexa began when she was sure the women were out of earshot. "Did you get anything on that transmission signal yet?"

"Not yet," Adam replied. "I'm still working on it."

"Well, I still think it'd be wise to keep an eye on that clone. Shalimar clearly has some blind spot for her or something."

Not wanting to agree nor disagree with her accusations Adam simply looked up before speaking.

"I'll check in with you when you get back. Be careful," he warned.

"Yeah. You too."

Emma stood at the ferals bedside changing into the more comfortable outfit Shalimar had laid out for her, memories, more like flashes, of times she'd worn the loose pants and white top coming to her mind as she changed.

"So what did you and Lexa talk about?" Emma asked trying not to sound too prying as she slipped the very smooth and loose fitting pants on over her shoeless feet and pulled them the length of her bare thighs to rest atop the line of her white undies.

"Nothing much really," the feral answered continuing to light the candles atop her dresser with the lighter.

"Hmm. Well, she seems…" Emma paused searching for the right word. "Interesting."

"Depends on how you look at her. So did you like her?"

"Not really," Emma answered quickly with a hint of a joke in her voice though the statement wasn't entirely false.

Shalimar grinned as she lit the last candle on her bureau, and turned to face the psionic hoping her eyes didn't widen too much as she came face to face with the now topless though still bra bearing red head, the sight itself brightening up the room more than the candles were as far as Shalimar could tell.

Emma pulled the shirt over her head and climbed onto the mattress before her, turning down the sheet so she might slide herself underneath.

Shalimar showed herself over to the bed and sat herself Indian style in the same manner as Emma was beside her.

"Emma, something on your mind?" she questioned inching herself a few more centimeters towards the woman allowing their knees to rest gently against one another.

"It's just," Emma started but immediately stopped not knowing how to begin, how to give voice to all she was feeling. For a psionic sometimes it still felt nearly impossible to express her own feelings. "Just being here I kinda feel like, I don't know kinda, left out."

"Left out?"

"Not around you really just…everyone else. Seeing Lexa and watching you guys all working together as a team it's like…you don't need me anymore. Like I've been replaced. I know it sounds stupid and I know it's probably not true but I can't help feeling it. Especially from Lexa. I can tell she doesn't like me very much. I don't even have to be a psionic to read those signals."

"Emma," Shalimar began, reaching out to place a hand on her shoulder and another on the knee resting against her own. "We didn't replace you. We could never replace you," the feral softly explained, pausing before continuing. "I could never replace you."

"I know it's just…remember how you felt when Nikki came back? It's kinda like that. Like I'm not one of the group or as much in the circle as I used to be anymore. Like you're all just fine without me."

Shalimar smiled slightly and the action only further confused the psionic.

"What?" she asked wondering why pouring her heart out was making her feral friend smile.

"I see you're getting more of your memories back."

"Emma's memories," the psionic softly stated.

"Your memories," Shalimar corrected surely.

"But they're not. That's why they look at me the way they do. Everything I remember never even happened to me. Not to this mind. Not to this body. This scar on my inner arm doesn't belong to me," Emma said lifting her free arm to show the tiny and barely noticeable circular scar on the underside of her forearm. "This scar was just created by the doctor to mirror what I used to look like. I never fell when I was seven bike riding to get that scar. None of it happened to me."

"Yes it did. That might not have happened to this body, but it happened to you. You're Emma DeLauro and you're more than needed here. Just give it some time and you'll see. I promise."

Emma thought for a moment before allowing just a hint of a smile to come to her own face as it occurred to her the feral was right. She was feeling more like…herself.

"Emma, I don't want you to feel left out," Shalimar convinced and without even realizing it the hand gripping the psionic's knee was venturing upwards to clasp Emma's hand in her own and she squeezed it as if to confirm her statement. "You're more than needed here," Shalimar reemphasized wanting to be certain she left no doubt in her friend's mind. "And I haven't been fine without you," Shalimar said settling on the generalized statement rather than get into what a train wreck she'd seen herself become since she'd been gone.

Emma allowed a smile to grace her full lips at her friends' words letting herself believe them and forgetting about Lexa's feelings for a moment in favor of Shalimar's much more desirable ones.

"Look, I have a couple more of your outfits and those are some of your candles on the dresser over there. You already know the other stuff that's yours. If you want we can get you your own room again just like you used to have. You know you can pick out an empty room and Emma it up," Shalimar offered knowing deep down she didn't want Emma to leave her room at all but thought having her own room in their new Sanctuary might help her feel more like she belonged and she could certainly relate to how feeling like she didn't belong felt.

Emma smiled appreciating the ferals gesture, glad she had at least one friend who'd always look out for her and she clenched the ferals hand in her own.

"Thanks, but I think I'd rather stay here, for now at least. I mean if that's ok with you," Emma replied already feeling sided enough she didn't feel any need to have her own room and be even more alone in it. Besides, Shalimar's friendship and comfort was much better when up close and personal and how much more personal could she get than sharing her bed with the feral. As far as she could remember she'd always enjoyed it and still did which wasn't at all hard for her to understand.

Shalimar's smile widened and she leaned the few inches between them to clasp the psionic in a warm and friendly hug. It was more than ok, it was perfect.

"You know you don't even have to ask," she reassured, smiling back into bright blue eyes as their embrace was broken.

"Actually," Emma spoke softly and unsurely, lowering her gaze to the small visible spot of mattress between her crossed legs then to their touching knees, and she cleared her throat dramatically before continuing. "There is something I've been wanting to ask you. I know it's probably not the best time but…I just…I was wondering…" Emma took a breath contemplating her decision pondering if she really ought to bring the topic up just yet. "I just wanted to ask if you could get me a drink of water. I think I'm feeling sick again," she covered, removing her hand from Shalimar's and reclining back against the head board.

Shalimar sighed and stood from the bed knowing that wasn't what Emma was going to say and knowing it was going to nag inside her mind until the psionic came clean with her about whatever she was dealing with.

Shalimar walked slowly over to the door giving Emma enough time to change her mind and ask what she really wanted to but she just remained silent until the feral returned shortly handing her a colorful water bottle still cold from being in the fridge.

Taking the pretty plastic container, Emma helped herself to a cool drink before setting it down on the nightstand and stretching her legs out under the covers to lie fully down. She must've jinxed herself with her earlier words as now she actually was beginning to feel sick again as well as achy and soon enough her arms and legs were feeling like pin cushions and the stiffness in her back had returned to it's unwelcome position.

"I guess I'll let you get some rest," Shalimar said not wanting to leave her presence but preferring what was best for Emma more than her own desires and she headed back over to the door.

"Hey," Emma called getting the feral to turn her head back around as she was stepping from the room. "Didn't I give you that?" she asked, looking back to the water bottle on the nightstand.

Shalimar smiled at the words and nodded as she replied, "Yeah," and Emma smiled back knowingly as Shalimar left her alone to rest.

After about thirty minutes of moderate training in the dojo Shalimar suddenly found herself getting increasingly aggressive though she couldn't pin point the reason. There was so much going on inside her head and heart that it could've been any one of if not all of a hundred reasons. Whatever it was, her tension was quickly climbing through the roof with each passing second and she struck the punching bag harder with each thrust to accommodate it.

Perhaps it was the fact Emma was feeling the way she was that was bothering her. Maybe it was because she was sure the psionic was hiding something from her. Maybe it was everything she was hiding from the psionic. Maybe it was Lexa being more nosey than usual that was playing the strings of her thin nerves. Whatever it was it was doing a great job of heating up her already sweaty body and she fought harder to expel it in her usual manner.

Emma stood about ten feet from the feral as she sparred with the punching bag. If sparred was a good choice of words that is. It was more like a full fledged attack and Emma couldn't remember the last time she'd seen the feral attack a person like that let alone train that extensively. She could tell the feral was training as hard as she could as every pore seemed to be emitting drop after drop of sweat and she hadn't even noticed yet that Emma was standing behind her observing her confrontation with the black object.

After a couple more minutes of uninterrupted fist fighting with the device, Shalimar finally slowed herself down taking a few seconds to wipe her face on her sweat soaked black tank top.

"Well, I think you've made your point with the big bad bag," Emma informed, stepping over to the heaving feral and crossing her arms for comfort.

Shalimar turned to face her oncoming friend and bent to the ground to lift her small bottle for a quick sip of much needed and refreshing water.

"So do you wanna talk about what's bothering you? Or would you rather subject the bag to another throttling?" Emma asked stopping only when she was about a foot from her sweaty friend.

"You know I could ask you the same thing."

"You could," Emma agreed. "Except we're not talking about me. We're talking about you."

"What if I don't want to have that conversation right now?"

"Ok but what are you really against, having the conversation or having it with me?"

Shalimar's brow came together at the words and she wondered for a moment if her psionic friend was reading her.

"I'm still here for you, Shalimar," Emma insisted in her usual friendly and caring tone. "I might not remember everything about the past or even about you for that matter but I know you've changed since I've been gone. I know you're not that tough and I don't want you to put those walls back up. Especially around me. I know there's a lot in there you have to offer. A lot that I'd like to see."

Shalimar thought for a moment and smiled, a small chuckle coming to her as she whipped the sweat from her pony tailed hair on her forehead.

"I see you really are getting your memories back."

Emma smiled at the words and took the last step between them.

"Well, some memories are worth remembering," she reminded placing a hand on the sweaty shoulder of the feral. "And so's the reminder to take a shower," she chuckled, peeling her hand from the sticky shoulder and beginning to follow the feral from the room.

"So I guess I really am that obvious," Shalimar sighed not wanting to have given away her feelings or frustrations so soon.

"From what I can tell you're just very…passionate. Everything you're feeling is very strong it's just kind of radiating like a light. I think much more than it used to be."

Shalimar nodded in understanding knowing it was all Emma's doing that she had changed in more ways that she could count.

"And you can feel…everything I'm feeling?" Shalimar quizzed trying her best not to hint at anything in particular.

Emma only smiled as the two turned the corner to her bedroom.

"Yes. Everything."


	16. Unsung Discoveries

16

Unsung Discoveries

The Helix soared through the clear skies carrying the three mutants through the sunny weather which was quite the opposite of that inside the impressive craft.

Sighing in conjunction with her twitching head, Lexa huffed. "Something about that clone just doesn't sit well with me."

"Drop it, Lexa," came Jesse's order from his seat ahead of her. The last thing he wanted was to let her drag him into another debate and for that matter he also wasn't in much of a mood to hear her putting down his friend, or new friend, whatever the proper term for her was.

"So what are we gonna do about this?" she asked.

"Well, we're just going to see how they operate. Find out what we're dealing with."

"I was talking about that clone," she reminded, unable to ignore how the mention of the word brought a twitch to the young blonde's body. That combined with the emotion he could never hide from his face told the obvious story he was upset at her topic of choice.

"She's our friend. Can you at least pretend like you care?"

"I do care. I care about all of us. I care about our life, Sanctuary. Do you really want a repeat of last year? Think of everything we've done, we've been through, Jesse. Do you really wanna let your emotions put everything we've worked so hard to get back right back into jeopardy?"

Jesse remained silent trying to ignore the fact she was making some valid points. He glanced to Brennan, already knowing he was on somewhat of the same page as Lexa though he'd hardly admit it aloud. And even Jesse himself had to admit he wanted more information regarding the new psionic but right now he would much rather concentrate on the mission at hand.

"Besides, I think there's something up between her and Shalimar," Lexa took it upon herself to resume the conversation when the silence of both men was unbroken. "She's way too over protective of her."

"Shalimar's like that with all of us," Jesse reassured trying to remind her of the fact he assumed she already knew anyway.

Lexa shook her head digging deeper into the conclusion she hardly saw herself hardly leaping to. "No, it's more than that."

Brennan looked up suddenly as the thought ran through his head. Not merely because it was about Shalimar although that was usually more than enough reason for him.

"Wait a minute, you think Emma's affecting her somehow?" he questioned as he began to draw his own conclusions and questions in the absence for any such concrete ones.

"That's my point," she replied, hoping to push it further into their heads. "Who knows?"

Jesse turned his back slightly to his fellow mutants, an action Lexa couldn't ignore as it immediately informed her he was hiding something from her, or even all of them for that matter, making his stance on the whole issue all that more questionable and interesting to her.

Jesse remained silent hoping the topic would taper off as he hardly thought Shalimar's feelings for Emma was of any business of Lexa or Brennan and certainly wouldn't help situations back at Sanctuary.

Lexa's eyes shifted towards him momentarily but her better judgment prompted her not to take it any further. She didn't enjoy arguing with him anymore than he did but something inside her always felt draw to a challenge, whatever it may be, and with whoever it may concern as it didn't seem to discriminate when it came to cases like that. Despite the fast she had decided to let the issue go for now she was sure this was hardly the last time it would be brought up as it was only continuing to weigh on her thoughts more and more. Not only did the fact the clone was unknown to them bother her but something about the way she seemed to be affection Jesse was bothering her as well and much more than she'd like for that matter.

"All I wanna know is what these mutant gangs are up to," Jesse informed changing the subject as he began to land the aircraft.

Silently, the three mutants departed from the craft and began to make their way down the alley. What was it about mutant gangs and alleys anyway? The fact this was a much more secluded area of town probably helped in their dealings as well and just the smell of slime in the air was hint enough that they were nearby.

Before any of them even realized it, they found themselves surrounded and cornered in the shadowed alley and quite outnumbered by at least ten men, not that they would let that slow them down, however.

Electricity flew through the air from the opened palm of the dark elemental bringing down the two men in its path with ease. Beside him, a few punches followed by a full body mass was enough to stop the men in the molecular's path.

Farther down the alley, Lexa dodged the fireballs thrown at her by the man and woman approaching and allowed her agile body to come into full play, jumping atop the garbage can to brace herself between it and the wall of the nearby building to gain ample ground for a drop kick to the neck of each of her foes with speed neither could have anticipated.

Picking up the fallen object of one of the men, Jesse slipped it into his coat, turning his head up as a call of warning from Brennan got his attention from behind and he rolled himself out of the line of fire just as the sparks flew at the chests of the remaining men, dropping them like stones.

Whipping his head around, the molecular shot an appreciative glance at the elemental before standing to his feet and dusting himself off, joining Brennan at his side as the two headed over to Lexa.

"I guess some thugs never learn," she informed, flipping her hair over her neck which hardly had broken a sweat in all the action.

"Lexa!" Jesse cried, unfortunalty, not soon enough as the woman was tackled from the rooftop by a rather large and angered man.

Afraid to attempt a clear shot and acting out of better instinct, Brennan rushed the small distance across the alley alongside Jesse.

Quickly grabbing the man off the woman, Jesse knocked out the attacker with one punch of his massed arm, dropping him instantly. Reaching down, he began to help the injured woman up; surprised the man was able to get the jump on her like that as usually she was quite a formidable foe herself.

Grasping her now throbbing head, Lexa stood to her feet, dizzied and sore as the man had most likely pulled something in her neck and back and it was quite uncomfortable.

"You ok?" Jesse asked in concern continuing to help her regain her misplaced balance.

"Yeah…" she answered slowly. "I'll be fine."

"Come on, we better get you home," he informed, knowing it best not to continue on in her condition and reminding himself he had a new gadget to inspect.


	17. Simulations

17

Simulations

_Smiling with slight arrogance and pride Jesse lifted another cinnamon bun to his mouth, his eyes taking a much need break from the computer screen they'd been glued to as they peered over to the doorway at the newly arrived presence before shifting them back to his task. Although he appeared to be in deep concentration, a closer look would reveal the worry he had been trying to conceal deep inside him lately, and he was glad no one had taken a long enough look recently to spot it._

_"Hey, you," Lexa's voice carried as she approached from down the hall. "Whatcha doin'?"_

_"Not much," his words were just distinguishable as he multi tasked his chewing with his speaking. "Just working on a new program," he answered, refusing to lift his eyes from the screen, not just for the mere fact he was hard at work, but also so he might continue to keep his worries bottled up._

_Lexa's eyebrows rose slightly as the man lifted his free hand to draw the top of the laptop to a close as she drew closer and suddenly his "not much" became even more interesting to her prying eyes._

_"Does 'not much' have a name?" she pressed, placing her hands on her hips as she finally reached his seated side._

_Swiveling his chair around to her in one swoop it was obvious he was in a good mood, or at least pretending to be, and she only hoped that would further convince him to let her in on whatever he'd been up to in secret recently._

_Jesse smiled as he swallowed the last bit of his tasty afternoon treat. "Nope. It's just this program I made for Shalimar. Sorta a uh, therapeutic counselor so to speak."_

_"Ah," the brunette nodded. "How's she doing?"_

_"A little better. I think she sunk into a low spot recently so I made this little program to give her sorta a booster shot. Help her feel better again."_

_Standing from his chair he reached for a swig of his water bottle to wash down the last of the frosting still clinging to his inner lips before flashing her a triumphant smile._

_"You certainly seem proud of it."_

_Jesse nodded in agreement. "Yeah. As long as it does some good. See ya later."_

_The blonde flashed another proud smile before exiting the room in search of the feral he was eager to explain his new program to and knowing full well the sooner she dealt with whatever had been bothering her lately the sooner she could be herself again, or at least as much of herself as she'd been since the psionic's passing, that is._

_Assuming the most likely place the feral would be at this time was training in the dojo, Jesse headed down the hall in search of her and it wasn't long before she came into view, spin kicking her way through the air with the beauty, grace, and agility he'd always admired in her._

_He smiled as he approached her, standing patiently as she finished her last set of round house kicks, and he handed her the much need towel, and the feral accepted his offer by graciously allowing her sweaty body a wipe down._

_She smiled, turning to greet his friendly eyes as she finished. "Hey, what's up?"_

_"I have something to show you. I know you've been a little on edge lately and I told you I wanted to help so I've made a new program and I think you should give it a chance."_

_"Yeah, ya know we've been through this."_

_"I know you don't wanna admit how you've been feeling but at least give it a shot. Ya never know, ya might just smile again one of these days."_

_Sighing, Shalimar silently agreed. If nothing else she didn't want to offend him for trying to help her, though the fact she'd been that obvious in the first place was her own fault anyway. Any maybe his "surprise" would in fact help cure the recent aches her heart had become plagued by and that thought, as fleeting as it was, enticed the feral._

_He smiled pleasantly and twitched his head to the side with a gesturing grin. "Close your eyes."_

_Shalimar sighed again, following his instructions, and he could tell she was reluctant. Sometimes he wondered if she enjoyed the pain she'd bring upon herself in little waves every now and then. Maybe it was her feral instincts or maybe the empty void she seemed to carry now would never truly be filed again and she'd accepted that, refusing to ignore the pain when it came creping over her randomly anymore. Whatever it was, he only hoped his efforts would provide her the temporary band aid she required, and hopefully, some much needed closure to be optimistic._

_"Open them," his voice finally came allowing her to free herself from the darkness of her mind._

_At first, she wasn't sure she'd opened her eyes at all as she stared ahead. She couldn't be really be seeing what she thought she was seeing, could she? No, she couldn't believe it. Emma wasn't there. Her eyes must still be closed or she must've hit her head a little too hard when she was training and now she lie unconscious on the floor. Those were surely the only times she was blessed with sight of the psionic. She wasn't really here, in the training room, standing right before her with a smile on her face just as bright as ever._

_She almost believed it, for a second that is, or at least she had wanted to. Oh how long she had wanted to. If only she hadn't been a feral and hadn't known deep down that whatever, whoever she was seeing before her right now wasn't Emma. But couldn't she exist in the dream just a little longer?_

_"Hey, Shal," Emma greeted, happily, so happily it almost made the feral sick. Well, sicker than she was already feeling that is._

_Somehow managing to peel her eyes from the sight she'd always loved more than anything, Shalimar turned back to Jesse, her expression showing she didn't have to say anything to him._

_"I've programmed a simulation of Emma," he began to explain to the shocked feral who only half heard him as her mind was still swirling and her stomach was quickly catching up. She felt as if she'd just eaten a huge cake and then taken a ride on the twister at the carnival and the unpleasant feelings were nearly enough to overpower her just standing there._

_Jesse continued on, glancing down at the remote looking object in his hand as he spoke. "I've attributed her as close to the real Emma as I could, memories using the Neuroimager and backups of ours on hard drive, emotional concepts, and data from numerous tests run on Emma, and of course, her physical characteristics."_

_Clearly, the feral thought. She was stunning, though Emma had always been stunning in her eyes, but this, this girl before her now, dare she say it, she was…flawless. But than again, that was just Emma, as far as she was concerned._

_"I've missed you," Emma informed, keeping that bright smile across her face as she began to step towards the blonde._

_Time seemed to become distorted to the feral. She almost felt like things were moving in slow motion, yet much too fast for her, and the sensations were enough to make her head spin, as all the emotions piling up, backing up, were quickly jamming her clarity._

_It was the first time, in such a long time, she could remember running from anything, she thought, as she rushed herself down the hall and out of the room, plowing into her door to fall upon her bed. Serial killers, mutants, and murderers never made her bat an eye, let alone take off like a child with watery eyes, but just the sight of the psionic again, in her own presence, was too much, at least, too much too soon for her fragile heart to withstand._

_Soon enough the molecular was outside a closed bedroom door, uncertain of what to say, but knowing he had to say something, and hoping in the fragile state his friend was in that his words would be only those that were in her best interest._

_"Shalimar," he called through the barrier, but only silence responded. "Come on, I just wanna talk about this," he offered in his best sympathetic voice before finally phasing himself through in a sigh._

_Carefully, he approached her, allowing himself a seat on her bed beside the lying feral. Though she wasn't in full tears quite yet, he could tell she was close, and he wanted to do whatever it took to keep those salty drops of pain at bay as much as possible._

_"Why don't you come talk to her?" he suggested. "It might do you some good."_

_"I'm disgusted, Jesse."_

_Jesse was silent, knowing where that response had come from and knowing deep down she did want to see the psionic, and stood from the bed, deciding time was what she needed right now, not convincing._

_"I know how you feel, Shal. She was one of my best friends too. But when I talked to her the first time, it-"_

_"I loved her."_

_Jesse was silent after her sudden words, taking in the meaning he knew she was implying by the soft tone in her voice. He'd known her for years and he'd never heard that tone in her voice before. As he stood there thinking deeper into it, it occurred to him, he'd never heard a happier tone escape the blonde as when she was with the psionic, and suddenly it all made sense to him._

_Sitting himself back down, he rested a comforting hand against her back, hoping to ease her pain, that awful pain she was in that he could only imagine._


End file.
